Glory in Him

God's Gentle Ways

2011-12-01T12:26:00.001-08:00

I looked out my window and saw this beautiful red rose. Just when I needed most, My Heavenly Father, gives me such a beautiful gift - a beautiful rose in the middle of withering plants. I'm prompted to go and cut it so that I can enjoy it in my home. As I come in to put it in a vase, my mind travels back in time to December 2009...It was a few days before Mom's homegoing and, just like today, I saw a beautiful red, solitary, rose. the Spirit of the Living God prompted me to cut it and bring it as a gift for my ailing, frail mother - to brighten up her day...she loved rose bushes with their elegant, beautiful flowers.

Time...seasons...changes...

Today, My Heavenly Father, knew I needed a special gift to brighten up my day. He is doing so much in my life; He is healing, mending, shining His Light and goodness upon areas of my life that have been kept "safely, tucked away", never to be seen, never to be remembered...it hurts too much to remember. However, unless he takes the scabs away there will be no healing. I read this in a Study I'm doing: "It may be necessary for the LORD to remove the scabs from your wounds so that He can apply the Balm of Gilead, which is the Word of God, so that true healing can take place." That is what is happening...in His gentle way; in His loving way; in His Loving Father way...Today He just knew I needed Him to love on me in His gentle and loving way. Hence, He gave me this beautiful rose.

When I can't see You,
I know You are here
when I can't hear You
I will not fear
I will trust in YOU
and I will not be afraid

and when the battle is close at hand
I know You are with me to help me stand
I will trust in You
and will not be afraid

I WILL NOT BE AFRAID - I WILL TRUST IN YOU!

Outward Appearances

2011-09-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of a cactus plant we have in our backyard...a picture of "nothingness"...no beauty, no blossoms, no fragrance...in fact, if you reach out to touch it, it will hurt you - it has very sharp needles and some softer ones that can stay in your skin and hurt you for days. Yet, I can tell you that I have picked it's "leaves" and made some yummy and nutritious meals for our family. It, also, yields some yummy fruit - a cactus pear. We enjoy it's fruit, too.

Those that don't "know" this plant or are not "familiar" with it would probably not pay it any mind. In fact, they would probably not want it anywhere near their surroundings.

Are we like one of these cactus plants? Do we have people around us like this cactus plant?

I'm asking God to teach me to "see" past the hardness, the roughness, the "don't get near me" kind of masks that are all around me. I'm asking Him to give me His heart...that I may see as He sees; that I might hear what He hears...get past the walls that most people have build around themselves in order to self-protect.

I'm asking God that "I" would be real, vulnerable...that I would allow the walls that I have built around myself in order to self-protect be shattered by His Mercy, by His Grace, by His relentless, pursuing LOVE!

Is that fresh air I feel - can I, safely, breathe?
Is that touch - HIS touch - a safe touch - I sense?
Are those words - HIS words - trustworthy?

Hummmmm...I sense my walls are being shattered by LOVE♥ (a safe, unconditional LOVE♥)

What is ahead? I don't know, but I KNOW the One who holds my tomorrows in His very able, caring, loving hands.

I will rest in the Arms of LOVE♥

Thankful for Thoughtfulness

2011-08-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

These are pictures of the graves of some of my loved ones in Mexico. The little girl is one of my nieces that resides in Mexico.

I was so thankful for these pictures and the message that came with it. I received a message from my sister in law, that lives in Mexico, that she had visited Mom's grave and taken her flowers for her 80th Birthday. God so knew that this was a desire of my heart.

God you are fully aware of all things. Thank you!

Mom's 80th Birthday

2011-08-30T13:37:00.000-07:00

(This is my Mom and Dad. I don't remember what year this was...love their smiles!)

Today Mom would have turned 80 years old.

Memories, thoughts, regrets...

Thankful that she is more alive today than she ever was. Thankful that today she can celebrate without any heartache and pain...or LONELINESS.

She is in the presence of Our King, Jesus. She is worshiping at His throne...she is alive and well.

One day it will all be okay...until then I hold on to the hope that does not disappoint - the hope in Jesus Christ!

Happy 25th Birthday My Sweet Girl

2011-06-03T11:24:00.001-07:00

Today is my baby girl's 25th Birthday. She is a joy to my heart. She loves and serves our LORD Jesus Christ. God truly has shown Himself strong on her behalf, and has taught me so many lessons. I am so thankful that she loves and serves her Master and Friend. O what joy this brings to a mother's heart.

Happy Birthday My Sweet Little Girl :-)

Thoughts on My Brother, Oscar

2011-05-23T19:12:00.001-07:00

My brother, Oscar lives in Mexicali, Mexico with his wife, Julieta. I don't visit much - I really don't know why. Lately the LORD has been placing three of my brothers (I have four brothers) on my mind and heart. My heart longs for them to have a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. This weekend we finally got the opportunity to go and visit him. I can't explain to you how it feels to see my baby brother (I'm the youngest, and he is a few years older than me) come to greet me. I see a man ravaged by all the effects of sin. I see a man hopeless and without joy; a man that has absolutely no hope; a man that feels so lonely and so useless...

This picture of me and my brother. My heart years for him to KNOW that he is loved...that he has a purpose. My heart longs for him to experience LIFE, real life in and through Jesus Christ who alone is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

I found this picture of Oscar when he was little. What happened to this little boy? What happened that has made his life a living hell? Did he have hopes, dreams, desires? Did he ever dream of being a movie star, an athlete, someone famous? Did he ever dream of playing with his children, of having a beautiful home? God, the enemy of our souls truly does come to steal, kill and destroy. But, Father, You are greater! God touch my brother's life. Please lift him from the miry clay and set his feet upon the Rock, which is Jesus Christ. Give Him Your abundant life and show him that you do love him and have a purpose and a plan for him.If you are so led, please put my brother on your prayer list. Thank you so much.

Our First Ladies Family Tea

2011-05-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

The LORD put it on my heart to have a tea for all of my nieces. At first it was just a thought - a scary thought. Me, give a tea? What do I do? How? Will they come? Many, many questions and doubts. However, I just couldn't shake the thought. So I prayed, then I prayed some more. The LORD kept confirming it. Then it all started to come into place. At this time I was doing the Study of Esther, so I shared it with the ladies in my study. They were all excited and began to pray for me and the tea. Then one sister-in-the-LORD let me borrow china, another let me borrow table linens and so it went - the excitement began and continued. The day finally came and went. I believe all who attended were blessed. I know I was blessed by seeing all their beautiful faces. To God be the glory!

My Daughter's Graduation

2011-04-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

Our daughter graduated from Mt. Zion International School of Ministry. My husband and I were blessed by the LORD with abundant provision for us to be able to travel and be part of this wonderful event. After the graduation we even got to go and spend a couple of days in New York. God is amazing!

On Sunday we had the opportunity to visit Time Square Church. What a blessing it was to be there for such a time. After the sudden passing of David Wilkerson, we were blessed to be part of his church memorial service. It really was a blessing.

We also got to be in New York when the announcement of Osama bin laden's death was announced...it was incredible. The city was in such celebration.

I still can't believe that we traveled to New York and Pennsylvania and now we are home. Incredible!

O, and I am enjoying having my baby girl home :-D

One of My Daughter's Jouneys

2011-04-19T20:22:00.001-07:00

Three years ago this month my daughter, Angie, received a letter of acceptance from Mt. Zion School of Ministry. Her journey – this journey – began.

My daughter and I were (and are) really close. In fact, she used to say that she was my shadow. God had prepared me for this separation slowly, yet too fast (in my opinion). The LORD had led us to homeschool her. In January of the year she was to graduate she told me that she felt like the LORD was leading her to Bible College. My heart sank, but by God’s grace I did not discourage her, nor did I say anything negative about it. I simply told her that if that was what God was leading her to do, then we would pray and let Him lead. Inside, however, my mind was racing…”she can’t do ______”; “she will never survive”; “she doesn’t know how to______”, “LORD, this will never happen; this will never work. But, not what I think, but what You have for her. She is in your hands.” Not an easy prayer, but I knew that putting her in His hands (once again) was the best thing I could ever do. My mind said that this was the right thing to do, but my heart…o, my heart…

Well, she went on to go the Calvary Chapel Bible College in Murrieta, California. This was only 45 minutes away from home…but those 45 minutes, at this point of our life, were an eternity. The adjustment was bumpy for all of us. God was faithful and got us all adjusted. We could hop on our car and visit her and there were those weekends that she could actually come home – life was good…we had adjusted well. There was one little “glitch” in the wonderful-adjusting-period. Towards the end of her Bible College experience the LORD was really calling her to be separated only to Him. To be holy devoted and set apart only to Him. He gave her Isaiah 54:5 – “For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.” When Angela told me her Scripture and what God had impressed on her heart, my heart was pierced. I, then, sensed the LORD say to me, “She is my Bride. When a woman gets married she follows her husband wherever He says. Do not get in the way. She is no longer “yours” but My Bride.” O my, what emotions. Can I say my heart ached, yet there was peace. In no way did I even fathom what was ahead of us.

By God’s amazing grace and mercy, she graduated from Bible College only to plummet into an abyss of uncertainty and doubt. What happened? Where was she supposed to go from here? Where did she fit? Some dark times ensued and some very scary moments…I cried out to God; she cried out to God; people around us who loved her prayed for her. I kept remembering what He had spoken to my heart, so I prayed, prayed and prayed. There began to be some breakthrough and she started to venture into looking at some options. She applied here and there – for work, for school, for opportunities, but nothing seemed to open up. She would get discouraged. Anytime she would ask, “Mom, Dad should I apply?” We would say, “We will pray for you to make the right decision.”

When she applied to Mt. Zion School of Ministry, my heart sank. My thought was, “Pennsylvania!” But by God’s grace I did not say anything.

In April of 2008 she received a letter from Mt. Zion School of Ministry. She opened it with shaking hands. She was prepared for another rejection letter. Then she read, “You’ve been accepted…” She sobbed…we sobbed. She was happy, yet scared. I was happy, yet absolutely floored, petrified, scared, numb – God’s previous words to me kept ringing in my ears, so I embraced her and said I was so happy for her. Wow, just remembering that day brings chills to my mind…and here we are three years later. She is taking finals this week and then it will be graduation – April 30th – and then this journey will be over.

God has been faithful, o so faithful! He has provided everything that has been needed. Angela has grown leaps and bounds. Each semester, each year, has been so different, yet so good. She has had to endure much – some of the hardest events that happened while she has been there is that she has lost both grandmothers and her grandfather. Yet, through it all we have seen God shine in and through her and get her through. My mind can’t wrap around the fact that she has been so far away, yet God has sustained her, carried her, protected her, guided her, matured her, given her a heart that loves Him with all her heart, mind and strength – all without me…go figure.

Have I missed her? O, with all my being! Do I long to have her close to me? Absolutely! But only if that is what God has planned. You know, even though she is so far away, when we speak I feel her so close by. Our hearts are entwined, not because I am her Mom and she is my daughter, but because we are madly in love with the same man – Our LORD and Saviour, JESUS CHRIST!!!!

O what will He have for her next?

What will He have for me next?

What are His plans for us?

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know that thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

1 Corinthians 2:9 – But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.

Mom's One Year Anniversary

2010-12-04T20:41:00.000-08:00

One year ago my Mom went home to be with the LORD. What an incredible year this has been. Who would have thought there would be so many emotions, regrets, an intense hurt, and such loneliness.

Memories, memories, memories...

I remember thinking,

~ "no one should ever see their loved one carried out in a body bag."
(Mom's passed away at home and the coroner had to transport her body to the funeral home)

~ "no one should ever have to receive their loved ones body in a crate."
(Mom's desire was to be buried in Mexico next to my Dad. This was insane. I, fully convinced and knowing that that was just a shell of who Mom was, had such a difficult time seeing this crate being brought down and dismantled...I can't even imagine what the rest of the family felt...God have mercy!)

~ thinking of her frail body gasping for air

~ thinking of the incredible deterioration that happens as one embarks on their last journey

~ have her eyes etched on my mind and heart as she looked at me for one last time

~ still tremble at the feeling of having to come home from the funeral home and finding her room empty...all the equipment had already been picked up by the rental companies - no longer needed, but, O GOD, what a sinking feeling...sat in the middle of the room and lost myself in time.

~ bath days, doctor appointments, unused wheelchair...

YOUR EMPTY CHAIR!!!!

Today I had the intense desire to go to her grave, but it was not possible. So I went to my brother's grave and took some poinsettias...how empty, how lonely...

You know, I wonder...I wonder how people who don't have the hope that I have cope with death. I know where Mom is. I am fully convinced that one day I will see her again. I know that God is in control and works all things for the good...YET THE PAIN!

Enough of my ramblings...

Clinging to the hope that does not disappoint...JESUS!!!

Seasons

2010-12-03T07:15:00.000-08:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to case away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate; a time to war, and a time of peace.

27 years ago I was getting ready to be married to Jaime J. Ramirez
26 years ago I was on my way to the Doctor's, later to be sent to the hospital to have my first son, Jaime Antonio.
A year ago I was about to enter into a realm that has shook my world...Mom's last day here on earth.

Father, thank you that no matter what - joy, pain, suffering - You have been and continue to be there for me. You have been faithful, You continue to be faithful, and you will remain faithful until the end.

My Hope

2010-10-01T16:01:00.001-07:00

My Mom, my Sister, my niece, Moni

Me, my brother, Oscar and my niece, Lulu

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my family. The other day my niece, Lulu, posted this picture on Facebook. In fact, she posted a bunch of pictures of when we were little. It was a nice trip through memory lane.

My heart grieves at the thought of how "SIN" has shattered, and continues to destroy, our family. There is this worship song that we sing at church - it is called, "You Hold Me Now" - that brings me to tears everytime.

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence here to hold
Let these songs of heaven rise to You alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suff'ring You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sickening
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

In this life fin'lly stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

When You're name is lifted high
And forever praises last
For the glory of Your Name
I'll be livin' for the day

When the world has finally cease
All creation rest in peace
Let these songs of heaven rise to You alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suff'ring You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sickening
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

I absolutely love the fact that this is not just a song, but reality. This is what we are promised in Scripture...Praise be to God! This earth will pass away and we will have the new heavens and new earth.

Isaiah 65:17-19 - Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth - so wonderful that no one will even think about the old ones anymore. Be glad; rejoice forever in My creation!...And the sound of weeping and crying will be heard no more. v.25...In those days, no one will be hurt or destroyed on my holy mountain. I, the LORD, have spoken!

My Brother's, Tony, Grave

2010-10-01T15:19:00.001-07:00

Visited my brother’s plot yesterday. For some reason I’ve been really desiring to go to the cemetery. Yesterday, my niece, Lulu, came to spend the day with me and we took that drive to Corona.

As I saw my brother’s stone I was overwhelmed by emotions, by questions, by an extreme desire to sit and cry my heart out.

My brother was 26 years old, he has been gone since 1983. It was all so fresh.

My thoughts – “His stone is so dirty, you can’t even see his picture.” “What happened? Why did I abandon him” (please know that I do not believe that I have abandoned my brother. I know that all that remains in that grave are my brother’s bones. “Did his 26 years with us really mean nothing.” Then as I tried to read the lettering on the stone, I voiced, “Beloved Husband…really, where you really a beloved husband?” With a chuckle I answered by own question.

To see this run down plot really grieved my heart.

What happens when someone dies? I mean, what happens to those that stay behind? Am I saying that if you do not visit your loved ones plot it means that you did not love them, you do not miss them, you do not care for them? No, I’m not saying nor implying that. Each of us will deal with their grief in different ways. However, I am asking myself the question of “why the need to visit this plot?” “why the overwhelming heartache and pain when I saw the signs of abandonment?” It hurt me, it grieved me, it was painful to see.

Thinking of My Family

2010-09-22T12:30:00.001-07:00

I’ve been thinking so much about my family (Mom, Dad, siblings, nieces, nephews). I wonder what happened to us. I have memories of us being together all the time. Anything that happened was a reason to celebrate. I remember our home was always full.

Now as an adult I look around and all I see is destruction. Reminds of John 10:10 - The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy:…

Alcoholism, drug addiction, broken homes, broken lives or literally shattered lives, etc., etc.

The other day I asked the LORD why He had chosen me. How was it that by His incredible grace and mercy He plucked me out of the mire and set my foot upon the solid rock which is Jesus Christ. I received no answer, I was only prompted to continue to intercede for my family. God is still able to bring salvation to their souls…until they take their last breath, here on earth, there is still hope. I don’t lose hope, but I must admit my heart hurts at the thought of their lives being lived in such destructive ways.

Today the LORD gave me a wonderful gift. My sister-in-law, who lives in Mexico, posted this picture of two of my brothers. I hadn’t seen them since Mom’s funeral. O, to see their faces, what joy! But o, the heartache of seeing their eyes…the pain of a life lived in the mire. O, God, reach down from heaven and call them by name. Pluck them out of the mire and set their feet upon the solid rock, which is Jesus Christ. Thank you, LORD, for this gift. Thank you, LORD, that You are here with me and You are there with them.

How many more lives will be destroyed? How many more souls will be saved? Those are questions I do not have an answer to, nor will I ever. However, I cling to God’s Word that says, that He is not willing that any should perish, but that all will come to repentance. I will continue to pray and plead for the souls of my family until, Jesus, calls me home to be with Him.

Grieving/Remembering Mom

2010-09-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

It has been over nine months since Mom’s home-going. Today “grief” has hit me like a ton of bricks…again.

I have not had the courage to write, even though at times I have felt prompted to. There is this fear in me of being vulnerable, letting my guard down, actually letting you in on my feelings. There is also that dreaded “voice’ that condemns me and whispers in my ears and at times screams in my face, “Now, you care”…”Now, you want to…” “Now, you miss her”…on and on it goes.

It is time to write…

Today I’ve felt this need to go to Mom’s grave and take her flowers, this is not the first time. It is funny that before I thought taking flowers to a grave was a waste of time, however, today I wish I would have that place where I know Mom’s body was placed, a place I can go to and take her flowers. You know what, Mom loved roses. She always had them growing around her home. I have a flower bed with roses that she loved to go outside and sit by them (when she was able to go outside). When it became difficult for her to go outside, she would stand by the sliding door and stare at them…she loved roses. I remember her last day here on earth, it was already December so there wasn’t much left of the rose bushes, however I looked out my kitchen window and saw the most beautiful red rose. God spoke to my heart and led me to go cut this rose and take it to Mom. This day she wasn’t able to walk to the kitchen, so I brought it to her and put it on her little table…she simply smiled and said, “It is beautiful.” She looked so tired and weak.

I’m remembering that weak, frail smile. I’m remembering that shuffle down the hall. I’m remembering…and through the remembering there is that accusing voice, saying, “I should have” “would have” “why didn’t I” – it is all part of my story, one that has taught me so much and continues to teach me.

Good days, bad days…good days, horrendous days…it is all part of grieving. My, what an incredibly tangled web this grieving process is.

I miss my Mom, yet I find great comfort KNOWING that we are only temporarily separated by this enemy called “death”. I find great comfort KNOWING that one day we will be together again, and this time all the “ugliness of the flesh” will be done away with. We will be in heaven with our Savior and each other with no pain, no sorrow, no regrets, no should haves, would haves…only eternity, heavenly eternity.

Praise be to God who alone brings the victory!!!

Congratulation to Our Son!

2010-07-01T09:52:00.001-07:00

Congratulation to our son, Jaime!!!

Today he is gratuating from National Guard/Military Police. We are so proud of him.

The ceremony is in Missouri, so I'm saddened to say that I can't be there for him and with him. However, God provided for my husband to be there with and for his son. That was a total answer to prayer...we had been praying becuase we just did not want him to celebrate this milestone by himself, and God so knew the desires of our heart.

He is coming home on Saturday - I can't wait to see him!

2010-06-30T12:00:00.001-07:00

It has been interesting around here. I will write in more detail later, but for now I wanted to share a devotion I read today. The minute I read the title, well...I will let you read it yourself. God so knew I needed this today:

"GO AHEAD AND CRY"
When you hurt the worst—go to your secret closet and weep out all yourdespair!

Jesus wept. Peter wept—bitterly! Peter carried with him the hurt of denying the very Son of God. Those bitter tears worked in him a sweet miracle. He came back to shake the kingdom of Satan.

Jesus never looks away from a crying heart. He said, "A broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise" (Psalm 51:17). Not once will the Lord say,"Get hold of yourself! Stand up and take your medicine! Grit your teeth and dry your tears." No! Jesus stores every tear in his eternal container.

Do you hurt? Badly? Then go ahead and cry! And keep on crying, until the tears stop flowing. But let those tears originate only from hurt—and not from unbelief or self-pity.

Life goes on. You would be surprised how much you can bear with God helping you. Happiness is not living without pain or hurt. True happiness is learning how to live one day at a time, in spite of all the sorrow and pain. It isl earning how to rejoice in the Lord, no matter what has happened in the past.

You may feel rejected. You may feel abandoned. Your faith may be weak. You may think you are down for the count. Sorrow, tears, pain, and emptiness may swallow you up at times, but God is still on his throne. He is still God!

You can't help yourself. You can't stop the pain and hurt. But our blessed Lord will come to you, and he will place his loving hand under you and lift you up to sit again in heavenly places. He will deliver you from the fear of dying. Hewill reveal his endless love for you.

Look up! Encourage yourself in the Lord. When the fog surrounds you and you can't see any way out of your dilemma—lie back in the arms of Jesus and simply trust him. He wants your faith—your confidence. He wants you to cry aloud—"Jesus loves me! He is with me! He will not fail me! He is working it all out right now! I will not be cast down! I will not be defeated! I will not be a victim of Satan! God is on my side! I love him—and he loves me!"

The bottom line is faith. And faith rests on this one absolute: "No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper…" (Isaiah 54:17). (From David Wilkerson)

Happy 24th Birthday, Angie!

2010-06-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

Angie, today

Angie at 6 months

24 years ago God blessed us with this beautiful little girl.

How awesome God is! He has done, and continues to do, above and beyond all that we have asked and prayed. Yes, her life is nott "normal"...it is extraordinary, because her God is an extraordinary God.

Thank you LORD for this beautiful blessing!

Happy Birthday, Angie! Love you tons!!!

The Prodigal

2010-04-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

I read the following:

"...I was touched by the deep need of the prodigal..."

My immediate response was -

"WHAT?!

The prodigals deep need?! What about the heartache and pain it brings the parent(s)? What about the parent(s) shattered dreams, expectation, plans? What about the parent(s) shame, pain, agony?

What about the parent?!"

I don't think I've ever thought about this side of the story.

What is the prodigal thinking? Is the prodigal really having such a great time out "in the world"? When all the lights, all the glitter, all the "noise" dies down, what is left in the prodigal's mind?

Luke 15:17 says, "but when he [the prodigal] came to himself, he said..."

This shows a turning point. A point that the prodigal "comes to himself". Before this turning point, it was all "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow I die" or was it?

Father give me Your heart, give me Your eyes to see - beyond my pain, my heartbreak - that soul who is so lost, so needy. Father, You came to save and deliver. Father there is nothing impossible for You. Father, You will perfect all that concerns me, for I trust in You. Bring that lost soul to the point of realizing he/she is lost and in need of a Saviour. We trust in You. We believe in You. In Jesus Name - Amen!

HE Conquered the grave - Hallelujah!

2010-04-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrate the fact that Jesus conquered the grave. JESUS has risen from the dead - Hallelujah!

Thinking that December 4th, 2009 (4 months ago) Mother's very sick and frail body took its last weak, shallow breath here on this temporal earth. However, she opened her eyes with no frailty whatsoever, no difficulty breathing and able to RUN to her Savior, Jesus Christ.

O, what a Saviour!

O, what hope!

Because HE lives we can continue on with a hope that does not disappoint.

Hallelujah! What a Saviour!

One Pure and Holy Passion (song)

2010-03-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

Another song that just resounds in my heart and soul:

"One Pure and Holy Passion"
By Christ Tomlin

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me on magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your dicsiple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after you
To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in the truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you

Lord to know and follow hard after you
And to grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you

Spring Blossoms

2010-03-30T15:00:00.001-07:00

I see all these beautiful evidences of "LIFE". What seemed dead is coming alive again.

This time of year reminds me of this song:

"You Are So Faithful"
Like the sun that rises everyday,

You are so faithful.

Lord, You are faithful

Like the rain that You send

And every breath that I breathe

You are so faithful, Lord

Like the rose that comes alive every spring,

You are so faithful.

Lord, You are faithful.

Like the life that You give,

to every beat of my heart,

You are so faithful, Lord.

I see the cross and the price You had to pay,

I see the blood that washed my sins away.

In the midst of the storm

through the wind and the waves,

You'll still be faithful,

When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more,

You'll still be faithful,

You'll still be faithful, Lord.

2010-03-30T14:47:00.001-07:00

From Streams in the Desert:

...You can force a rosebud open, but you spoil the flower.
"Not what I will, but what you will" (Mark 14:36). Stephen Merritt

"His Way"
God sent me on when I would stay
('twas cool within the wood);
I did not know the reason why.
I heard a boulder crashing by
'Cross the path where I had stood.

He had me stay when I would go;
"Your will be done," I said.
They found one day at early dawn,
Across the way I would have gone,
A serpent with a mangled head.

I ask no more the reason why,
Although I may not see
The path ahead, His way I go;
for though I know not, He does know,
And He will choose safe paths for me.
---From Sunday School Times

Stepping Stone

2010-03-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

After I wrote the last post and meditating about things, the LORD gave me the following through a friend:

From My Utmost for His Highest – If you become a necessity to someone else’s life, you are out of God’s will. As a servant, your primary responsibility is to be a “friend of the bridegroom” (John 3:29). When you see a person who is close to grasping the claims of Jesus Christ, you know that your influence has been used in the right direction. And when you begin to see that person in the middle of a difficult and painful struggle, don’t try to prevent it, but pray that his difficulty will grow even ten times stronger, until no power on earth or in hell could hold him away from Jesus Christ. Over and over again, we try to be amateur providences in someone’s life. We are indeed amateurs, coming in and actually preventing God’s will and saying, “This person should not have to experience this difficulty.” Instead of being friends of the Bridegroom, our sympathy gets in the way. One day that person will say to us, “You are a thief; you stole my desire to follow Jesus, and because of you I lost sight of Him.”

So, often I think I know best or I get in the way of what God want to do in the person and actually hinder God’s work in that person’s life.

Today in my devotion, Streams in the Desert I read about a monk who planted a an olive tree sampling. Each day he prayed for the tree and what, in his estimation, the tree needed to grow…rain, sun, frost…but it died. It was contrasted by another monk who also planted a little tree and his tree was thriving. This was his explanation: “I entrust my tree to its god. He who made it knows better than a man like me what it needs. I gave God no constraints or conditions, except to pray, ‘Lord, send what it needs – whether that be a storm or sunshine, wind, rain, or frost. You made it, and you know best what it needs.’ “

Father teach me to pray. To know when, to know how. Father may I be a “friend of the Bridegroom”, may I be a stepping stone, and may I not be a hindrance.

Memorial Service/Luncheon

2010-03-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

Sometime back I received an invitation to a Memorial Service/Luncheon given by Charter Hospice for those that have gone on. This was the hospice that took care of Mom in her last day. It really blessed my heart. I really didn't know if I wanted to be part of this, but a friend encouraged me to attend. Now, I can say that I am so glad that I attended. The place was beautiful. A couple of weeks prior to the event, they had us submit a picture of our loved one so that they could make a slideshow.

The place was decorated with items that represented "life". They had tables all around the room where they had framed pictures of our loved ones - we were asked to bring one that day and we got to take it home. Our center piece was a branch with a bird nest and a butterfly (see picture above). It was simple, but beautiful. We also received and ornament as a reminder, a token. As the slide show was presented and the names of those loved ones where called out, the family members got to go up and light a candle - beautiful! We went outside and released balloons with loving thoughts about our loved ones, and they had a "releasing of the doves ceremony". It was so beautiful to see the different groups of doves gather together in the sky and then fly together. I thought of that song, "I'll fly away, o glory, I'll fly away." I thought about how one day, I too will fly away to heaven and will gather with those that have gone on before me - it was very moving. The visual was incredible!

They also read something about the meaning of the folding of the American Flag, that I had never heard before - I really liked it:

WHY THE AMERICAN FLAG IS FOLDED 13 TIMES

Have you ever noticed on TV or at military funerals that the honor guard pays meticulous attention to correctly folding the American flag 13 times? I've known how the 21 gun salute was determined (adding the individual digits of 1776), but only recently learned why the flag was folded 13 times when it is lowered or when it is folded and handed to the widow at the burial of a veteran.

HERE IT IS:

The first fold of our flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the veterans departing our ranks who gave a portion of their lives for the defense of our country to attain peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our weaker nature, for as American citizens trusting in God, it is to Him we turn in times of peace as well as in time of war for His divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the words of Stephen Decatur, "Our Country, in dealing with other countries, may she always be right; but it is still our country, right or wrong."

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our country and our flag against all her enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of our republic.

The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it flies on Mother's Day.

The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has been through their faith, their love, loyalty and devotion that the character of the men and women who have made this country great has been molded.

The tenth fold is a tribute to the father, for he, too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of our country since they were first born.

The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon, and glorifies in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

The twelfth fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit.

When the flag is completely folded, the stars are uppermost reminding us of our nation's motto, "In God We Trust". After the flag is completely folded and tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat, ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under General George Washington, and the sailors and marines who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed Forces of the United States, preserving for us the rights, privileges, and freedoms we enjoy today. There are some traditions and ways of doing things which have deep meaning. You will see many flags folded in the coming weeks, and now you will know why.

After all this we were served an incredible lunch. I was so blessed with all that was done. There was a limit on the people we could bring - this was the only bad thing, because I wish I would have had more of my family members be a part of this.

Me-limited, frail; Christ-powerful and strong

2010-03-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

Sitting helpless, unable to move or go take care of things outside or anywhere.

*Trash can knocked over; trash going all over the place. I want so bad to go and pick it up, but “I CAN’T”. All that is within me is dying to go and pick it up, but “I CAN’T”.

*”Things” in my back porch are being tossed around, some even falling and breaking, being shattered on the ground. “I CAN’T” shelter them, “I CAN’T” save them, I CAN’T even pick them up. All that is within me is dying to go and clean up, but “I CAN’T”.

I didn’t KNOW this wind was coming, it just showed up, unannounced. If I would have known, I could have been prepared – ready. Maybe I would have put some of the stuff on my back porch away or protected it in some way. I did not KNOW the wind was coming.

Sometimes things in our life “just happen” – they come unannounced, unplanned, we are simply not prepared for them. What is our reaction?

Sometimes people around us are falling, failing, breaking, shattered – do we think we can go pick them up and protect them? Do we think we can keep them safe?

In the spiritual realm, however, I am not helpless or unable to move. God tells me that I wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities (Ephesians 6:12) and that our weapons of our warfare are not carnal but MIGHTY in Christ Jesus to bring down strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:3-6).

Even if we are bed-bound we can pray and intercede for those in need of deliverance. It will be God who will pick them up and heal their brokenness. Then it will be HIM glorified and Christ exalted. (2 Timothy 2:9b…the word of God is not bound.)

Father, in our weakness and in our frailty, YOU remain strong; You remain able.

You are able to save.
You are able to redeem.
You are able to heal.
You are able to restore.

You are not limited.

You are All-Knowing, All-Powerful, Our Sovereign King, Bless Your Name, O LORD!

Our Testimony

2010-03-22T13:15:00.001-07:00

Revelation 12:11 - And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death.

This weekend God showed Himself powerful. It had been a while since my husband and I went on a Couples Retreat. This past weekend we had the opportunity of going away with other couples up to Twin Peaks. The weather was wonderful and their was still enough snow to enjoy.

The weather was incredible, the surroundings amazing, the food scrumptious, the teachings totally anointed by God...in one word - AMAZING!!!

Yet, the best part of it all was that God healed, renewed, revived, exhorted - GOD WAS TOTALLY GLORIFIED!

Our testimony is a powerful tool. One that can be used by the LORD to speak to others. So often we think that we are alone in our trial, or that no one would understand what we are going through, or even embarrassed to speak of your situation. Whatever the reason might be, we keep silent. We don't speak forth and proclaim what God has done for us. Yet, when others hear and see the evidence of God's handiwork, they get encouraged and get strengthened.

Because of our great weekend, a weekend filled with answers to prayer and seeing God's amazing hand, this morning I woke up so encouraged and joyful. I was getting ready to have some sister's over for breakfast and prayer. I went to take a shower and WAM!!! As I lifted my leg up and to shave (graphic, I know, but I need to give you the picture) something popped on my lower back and I went down for the count. I thought I was going to pass out of the pain. I prayed like crazy. I tried to maneuver and move, but the more I moved or tried to move, something else would tighten up. Don't ask me how I got out or what happened next...it's kind of ugly.

My wonderful friends arrived. They prayed over me for healing, I felt better and we enjoyed each other's company. However, when they left I could not function. I called my chiropractor, I prayed and prayed so that I could get in the car and get over to his office - praise God, I did. He says I tore something and had a joint from my hip out of place. Once that we in place, I felt better but the tare is going to take "REST". I came home feeling kind of bummed, but then my nephew called to ask me how our Retreat went. As I began recounting what God had done, my spirit began to soar and praise God. Then I came to the computer and received a beautiful e-mail from a Sister in Christ, and you know what - IT IS ALL WORTH IT! God has a plan even for this...so to God be the glory!

Devo - Streams in the Desert

2010-03-19T08:38:00.001-07:00

My Devotional Today from Streams in the Desert

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering…But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ. (1 Peter 4:12-13)

Many hours of waiting were necessary to enrich David’s harp with song. And hours of waiting in the wilderness will provide us with psalms of “thanksgiving and the sound of singing” (Isaiah 51:3). The hearts of the discouraged here below will be lifted, and joy will be brought to our Father’s heavenly home.

What was the preparation for Jesse’s son, David, to compose songs unlike any others ever heard before on earth? It was the sinful persecution he endured at the hands of the wicked that brought forth his cries for God’s help. Then David’s faint hope in God’s goodness blossomed into full songs of rejoicing, declaring the Lord’s mighty deliverances and multiplied mercies. Every sorrow was yet another note from his harp, and every deliverance another theme of praise.

One stinging sorrow spared would have been one blessing missed and unclaimed. One difficulty or danger escaped – how great would have been our loss! The thrilling psalms where God’s people today find expression for their grief or praise might never have been known.

Waiting on God and abiding in His will is to know Him in “the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings” (Philippians 3:10) and “to be conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Romans 8:29). Therefore if God’s desire is to enlarge your capacity for spiritual understanding, do not be frightened by the greater realm of suffering that awaits you. The Lord’s capacity for sympathy is greater still, for the breath of the Holy Spirit into His new creation never makes a heart hard and insensitive, but affectionate, tender, and true. Anna Shipton

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 1 Timothy 1:12

God spoke to my heart again. Confirming the message that He has been putting on my heart.

Spirit of Truth continue to speak, open our understanding and give us ears to hear what the Spirit is saying to us. May we not fear what's up ahead. Give us the desire to be doers of Your Word and not simply hearers. In Jesus Name.

What holds me back?

2010-03-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

Sorrow and Suffering revisited. The LORD has brought these two faithful companions to my mind, once again. I searched my previous posts to see when I had written about them, it was April 2008.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

In this time of transition and change, God has been comforting, loving, assuring, and o so gentle. As of late though He is challenging me. He is beckoning me to go, to trust, to live in full abandonment for Him. At times I can say, “Let’s go LORD. Whatever you want, wherever you say.” Then, my flesh takes over and the doubts come in, then there is fear and doubt and apprehension, etc.

The lyrics to the songs I have posted below are some of the songs that, along with His Word have been ministering to me, challenging me. The song, “Sweetly Broken” brought me to my knees. Sweetly and Broken just don’t seem to go together. Yet, even in the breaking God is so gentle. Last night I had an opportunity to hear from a godly man sharing part of his testimony. This man is an older-seasoned-saint. He stood frail and physically tired, but when he opened his mouth and allowed the “word of his testimony” to go forth, it was amazing! The main thing was that God is a sure REFUGE in time of trouble…and trouble will come. He shared about his wife having cancer and him praying and asking the LORD for a miracle. And, guess what, God choose to take his wife and not heal her. Now, did he walk away? Did he turn his back on God? NO!!! He fell on his face and surrendered fully to the only One who could give him REFUGE and strength for the journey ahead. This man has tasted and seen that the LORD is good. Not because his life has been a walk in the park, but because through his trials and tribulations – his sufferings, God has been glorified and he is being conformed into the image of Christ.

Once again, the LORD brought the verse in Romans 8:32 – He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? -- God spared not the best He had – His Son. He delivered Jesus up for us all. Will he not FREELY give us all things? My goodness, what questions. What searching of the heart. What else do we want? What else do we need, to give ourselves over to Him in full abandonment, and say with Esther, “and if I perish, I perish.” What do we fear?

Romans 8:28 – And we KNOW that ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. – the “all things” include sorrow and suffering, but they will work out for good, God says they will. Then in Romans 8:31 it says, What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? -- God now only calls us but equips us for what He calls us to do. What holds us back? What do we fear?

Romans 8:18 – For I reckon that the SUFFERINGS of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

2 Corinthians 1:5 – For as the SUFFERINGS of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.

Philippians 3:10-11 – That I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death; if by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

Colossians 1:24 – Who now rejoice in my SUFFERINGS for you, and fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in my flesh for His body’s sake, which is the church:

Hebrews 2:10 – For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through SUFFERINGS.

1 Peter 4:12-13 – Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s SUFFERINGS; that, when His glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

Can I say with Isaiah, “Here am I, send me”? Can I say, “Where You bid, I will follow”? Can I be “wholly surrendered” to Him? Can I fall on my knees and say, “I’m offering all of me. Jesus you are all this heart is living for” – without fear of apprehension?

Father time is short. You are even at the door. I desire to follow hard after You. May I not go through the motions and look back one day regretting. I do not want to spend my whole life asking, “What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?"

Songs

2010-03-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

“The Motions” by Matthew West
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
*********************************

“Consuming Fire”
There must be more than this
oh breath of God come breath within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray

Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
a passion for your name
Spirit of God
fall in this place
Lord have your way
Lord have your way
with us

Come like a rushing wind
Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
leave us abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Lord let your glory fall
********************

“Walk in the Dark”
Where are you taking me-why are we turning here
This road is strange to me-this path is not so clear
Must be the place where my doubt turns to faith
Where I close my eyes and take your hand
I'd rather walk in the dark with Jesus
Than walk in the light on my own
I'd rather go through the valley of the shadow with him
Than to dance on the mountains alone
I'd rather follow wherever he leads me
Than to go where none before me have gone
I'd rather walk in the dark with Jesus
Than to walk in the light of my own
I've made some plans you know-mapped out a strategy
Somebody tell me where did the seasons go-have you forgotten me
I've heard the darkest hour is just before dawn
And wherever you are the sun will shine
There will be shadows-but I won't be shaken
'Cause you've never forsaken a vow
You've never failed me before this I know
And, Jesus, you won't fail me now
******************************

“Sweetly Broken” by Jeremy Riddle
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
***************************

“Hungry (Falling on my Knees)”
Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart
Is living for

Broken, I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know
Your touch restores my life

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart
Is living for

Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

The Elephant in the Room

2010-03-10T15:20:00.000-08:00

Today has been difficult. I’ve been thinking about Mom…my heart aches and misses her. If you knew the entire story, you would, I think, shake your head. The fact that I actually miss Mom is, even to me, complicated to understand.

Her last Sunday with me comes to mind. She had just eaten breakfast – slower than usual. I was busy trying to get everything taken care of and set up so that I could go to church. I kept looking at her from the corner of my eye, I did not want her to think that I was concerned – if I looked calm and collected, she would rest in that everything was okay. However, I could sense something was not getting better. I finally sat across the table from her to have a much needed conversation, one that we had visited many a time. She almost seemed bothered by me interrupting her puzzle-making-time, but she finally looked up. We talked about wishes, decision, desires…I can almost picture her face and a look in her eyes of “I know what’s happening. I’m okay with it.” I went to church with a heaviness in my heart. I worshiped and prayed to the only One who would, once again, be my Supernatural-Strength in days to come – o how sweet it was. It was almost as if My Jesus cradled me and comforted me in a way that was going to raise me above what was up ahead.

So often I’ve felt that it is almost forbidden to cry, to remember. It is as if people around you are uncomfortable to even bring up Mom’s name. There have been times when all I want to do is sit with someone and simply talk about Mom – My Mom! I wonder how are my brother’s doing? Do they think of her as I do? Are they hurting? Do they need a hug? Do they need to talk about Mom?

Just the other day I received a letter from Charter Hospice (they were the ones that came in to help with Mom’s last days). At first I thought the letter was some form letter to tie up lose ends, you know business. The letter began with “Please accept our heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your mother, Elvira…” “Mom’s name!” was my first thought. This letter went on to say some very kind words. It ended with, “I have enclosed some information that may help you as you begin this journey of healing. Remember, we are here for you…” I though, “somebody remembers; they haven’t forgotten.”

One of the enclosures was the following poem:

“The Elephant In the Room” by Terry Kettering
There’s an elephant in the room.
It is large and squatting, so it is Hard to get around it.
Yet we squeeze by with, “How are you?” And, “I’m fine…”
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.
We talk about the weather.
We talk about work.
We talk about everything else…except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds.
For, you see, it is a very big elephant.
It has hurt us all.
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room.
O, please, say her name.
O, please, say “Barbara” again.

Oh, please, let’s talk about the elephant in the room.
For if we talk about her death perhaps we can talk about her life?
Can I say “Barbara” to you and not have you look away?
For if I cannot, then you are leaving me
Alone…
In a room…
With an elephant.

So I guess I just had to talk about the “elephant in the room”…I just had to say Mom is gone and I miss her so…

Changes - kitchen

2010-03-09T19:28:00.000-08:00

Before my kitchen had stenciled fruit borders and was a light yellow (forgot to take pictures...) And, now, it is darker, as you can see...really different. Also, the floor was linoleum and now we, also have pergo...

Changes - floor/hall

2010-03-09T19:22:00.001-08:00

In our hall way, my husband tore up the carpet...what a mess!

But, it was worth it! Now we have pergo...it really looks nice and clean. My niece and her husband have been working really hard to put it down...thank you guys. It looks really nice.

Changes - painting

2010-03-09T19:17:00.001-08:00

We have been making some changes to our house...I guess it's better than moving (I think :-) My son painted before he left. Our walls used to like this:

Now, they are just a neutral color. Really different, but good. He really worked hard on getting it done before he left.

Claudia is Engaged!

2010-03-09T19:13:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we also found out that Claudia is engaged - wowwie! We have to celebrate more - he!he! Praying that all her plans and dreams become reality, that the LORD will be the center of her marriage. Can't wait for the wedding...

Happy Birthday Moni!

2010-03-09T19:09:00.001-08:00

It was my niece, Moni's birthday yesterday. We had such a wonderful time celebrating her special day. From left to right - me, Lulu, Moni, Claudia, Nancy...I just love these girls. We are desiring to build beautiful memories together. Lunch was yummy, company was wonderful and the laughter was on going...good time :D

Joseph Joshua Ramirez is born!

2010-02-23T16:38:00.000-08:00

Jose, Joseph and Laura
Papa holding his little boy - precious!!!

Going Through Mom's Things

2010-02-22T11:28:00.000-08:00

I finally got the chance, or should I say the courage, to go through Mom’s things. After Mom went to heaven, I kind of shoved everything in drawers or into the closet. However, for some reason, I have not been allowed to linger in this place for too long. Soon after, I had to deal with another good-bye, and then there was the saying good-bye to our son as he left to Missouri. I had, however, managed to ignore the piles of Mom’s things that had to be sorted through.

The day came and I sat, alone in the room…alone in the house.

“O, look, Mom’s blood-sugar checker (not the correct term, I know).”…I remember when the doctor first asked me to check her sugar. Mom was so upset because she said, “I’m not diabetic! Why do you have to do that?” For a while, almost every time I went to check her sugar, she would always say that. After some time, I think, she knew I was going to do it anyway, so she would simply stick out her hand.

“Mom’s little blankets.” She loved little blankets. She had seen some plush blankets announced at Anna’s and she kept hinting until I got her a small and large blanket…she loved her blankets. One day she saw an orange and black blanket that I had bought for my son when he was in high school. She hinted and hinted until I washed it and gave it to her - she just loved it! She used to say it was so warm. I really think she liked the colors. Mom loved bright colors.

“Here is her clothes, her shampoo, her…, her…, her…, her stuff.”

Is that how it is? Some one’s stuff is put away. Is boxed up. Is…

Is this what happens?

No wonder Mom had such a difficult time going through Dad’s things. In fact, I don’t think she ever managed to go through them. Here and there she gave some stuff away and some stuff disappeared (total other story), but for the most part Dad’s things simply stayed where he left them.

Mom, I KNOW, is in a better place. She has no more physical suffering. She is finally whole - for this I am eternally grateful. And, it does help on some of those difficult days. But, I must admit there are days that even this can’t take the pain away.

Romans 8:32 - He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up
for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

“…With Jesus I know I can make it, with Jesus I know I can
stand…My life is in His (very able, capable) hands…”

Pray for My Son

2010-02-10T11:07:00.000-08:00

It is official, my son has enlisted in the National Guard. Yesterday he came home and showed me his Military I.D. Card - yes, I cried and held him tight. I guess I never thought...

Please continue to pray for my son - in a few days he will be leaving for Missouri. Keep me in prayer - my heart aches and rejoices at the same time. Keep my husband in prayer - his Papa's heart...

Date with Bek

2010-01-28T14:27:00.000-08:00

Bek and I on a date.

Pho Noodles for lunch and Baskin Robbins for dessert - yumm!

We had a wonderful time.

2010-01-06T14:44:00.000-08:00

I've been going through some pictures that I brought back from Mexico. Ran into this one...tears!!!

This is Mom, Me, and Sister. Two women who poured their life into me and who are now gone.

Many, many regrets. Unending tears...

This grief thing has taken me by a storm.

I will praise MY JESUS in the storm - Hallelujah!!!

One Month...

2010-01-04T08:49:00.000-08:00

One month ago my Mother went to heaven. That day I, along with my family, entered into a journey that will take a life time to deal with. As one of my nieces said, "I am remembering all those that have gone on before us."

Today - my husband is back to work, my daughter is back in Pennsylvania and Mom is in heaven. I wish I could say that the changes end there, but only God knows what lies ahead.

Praise God that He only asks me to deal with TODAY! And, even with today, HE is ever present...a very real help, comfort, and shelter.

I am clinging to His Word:
YOU have turned for me my mourning into dancing; YOU have put
off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to YOU and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to YOU forever. Psalm 30:11-12

Good-bye 2009...

2009-12-31T20:35:00.000-08:00

Good-bye 2009…

This year started out with a bang. January, my father-in-law went to heaven. February, my mother-in-law went to heaven. Summer, my daughter had to have surgery because of a lump on her breast. December, my mother went to heaven.

In all of this (and more) God has been faithful and remains faithful. God’s promises have been faithful and true. God’s Word has been the light in the darkness. God’s character has been tested and proven.

I have sense the presence of the Living God in a way I have never know it before. I have literally sense God carrying me and giving me enough strength for the next step. God’s leading and guiding has been so real that there are times when I have to sit in awe of HIM, filled with thankfulness and love for My Saviour Jesus Christ.

My God is a Faithful Saviour, Loving Father, an Incredible Comforter. I love Him so much.

2009 was a good year, because all that happened was HIS doing and for HIS glory. Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. HIS plans for me are to give me a future and a hope, not to harm me.

What will 2010 bring? Only God knows. And, this I know, my God is a faithful God, one that can be trusted. So, I will give thanks to Him for 2009 and I will look forward to what He will bring in 2010.

Romans 8:32 - He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

“…With Jesus I know I can make it, with Jesus I know I can stand…My life is in His (very able, capable) hands…”

Mom's Funeral

2009-12-22T18:21:00.001-08:00

My Mom's request was that she be buried in Mexico, next to her loved ones. God allowed me to fulfill this last request. Mom would have been proud of us - we were all together (something that hasn't happened in a while), and we behaved.

Finality is so difficult. I am so thankful for the HOPE that is in my heart, a HOPE that doesn't disappoint, because it is anchored in Jesus Christ. Jesus has conquered death, and because of this I KNOW that I will see Mom again.

I will see you soon Mom.

Discovering Joy Coffee at Harvest

2009-12-12T14:47:00.001-08:00

Discovering Joy Coffee at Harvest

This morning I had the privilege of spending the morning with my two nieces. What a joy to sit with them hearing worship and listening to God's Word. I knew that the LORD had something for us. So much has happened in the last few days that this time of sitting and receiving was so refreshing. God gave us each a golden nugget of truth to walk away with and to sustain us for the task(s) ahead.

Mom is now HOME

2009-12-04T08:49:00.000-08:00

My Mother entered into eternity on December 4th, 2009. She has no more pain now.

The LORD has answered and continues to answer prayer. She was at home surrounded by her loved ones.

Thank you LORD for your faithfulness.

Sista Closet

2009-11-21T17:49:00.000-08:00

I went to what was called a Sista Closet. What an incredible blessing! A Sister put together this event to bless other sisters. She collected "nice" clothes, purses, jewelry, etc. put it all together and had whomever wanted to come, come and go through and pick what they could use for FREE! It was amazing! What a wonderful idea. There was wonderful fellowship and FREE STUFF. It was great to see sisters I haven't seen in a while.

2009-11-21T11:09:00.000-08:00

Haven’t been writing in my Blog much lately. Writing for school simply takes all my writing energy away. So much has happened and will continue to happen around the Ramirez household.

Last week I had to go in person to school to complete a five hour requirement at the writing center. It was very interesting and at times challenging. Needless to say, I felt inadequate and out of place – great place to be, huh? On one occasion as I was walked across campus I was engaged in my constant ritual of feeling out of place and of not belonging. The LORD allowed me to see a gentleman who had some handicaps. He was slowly making his way across campus with the help of a cane and with a backpack full of books. I felt so little for feeling the way I did about myself. I guess the LORD knew I needed to see this man again, because on a totally different day and time I saw him again. It really spoke to me about forgetting about my “incapacities, inabilities, etc.” and forging forth on the journey that the LORD has planned for me at this point of my life.

On another occasion I came out of the writing center with a smile. I had so much joy because the LORD had shown me that I was actually retaining some of the material I have been learning. I said, “LORD this isn’t a waste of time after all.” I praised the LORD as I walked through the campus and to my car.

I tell you, this school thing continues to challenge me. I stand amazed that even through this journey the LORD is teaching and molding me…HE does all things well and uses all for HIS glory.

Temporal vs. Eternal

2009-10-29T10:22:00.001-07:00

Last night I heard this story:

(Leti’s version) There was this little girl that had a strand of fake pearls. She loved her necklace and wore it all the time. Her Father lovingly asked, “Can I have your strand of pearls?” The little girl would respond, “No, but you can have this or that instead, but not my pearl necklace.” The Father would simply smile. Time would go by and the Father, once again, would ask the little girl for her strand of pearls, always getting the same answer. This went on for a while. One day, the little girl decided to go ahead and give her cherished strand of pearls to her Loving Father. She approached him and willingly gave her strand of pearls to her Father. He asked her, “Are you sure?” She said, “Yes.” Her Father smiled and put his hand in his pocket. He pulled out a container and gave it to the little girl. When the little girl opened it, she found a strand of REAL pearls.

Matthew 10:39 – He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

2 Corinthians 4:18 – While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Romans 8:32 – He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

He Heard My Cry...

2009-10-29T09:48:00.001-07:00

I walked to the mail box to get our mail. Grabbed the stack and walked in my house sifting through it. Well, nothing interesting there. Lots of junk mail, wait, “What is this? A Card – humm?" I came and sat down on the couch and continued to sift through the mail paying closer attention to the envelopes. “This card? The envelope looks interesting.” Open more junk mail. “Okay, let me see what this card holds.” “Interesting envelope. Oh, I love the sticker (it said, A friend loveth at all times. Proverbs 17:17). That’s interesting, my address is typed.” I finally opened the envelope and saw this beautiful card. “Oh, it’s a real card. Let me see what the LORD will tell me through however sent this card.” As I opened it wide, out comes a typed note with 1 John 3:17-23 typed on it, and a Money Order. “What, is this a joke?!” Then I saw these words, “To help bring Angie home for Christmas.” --- I became a sobbing lump.

My Heavenly Father heard my cry, and the cry of a lot of other saints who have been praying for my daughter to be able to come home for Christmas. It seemed impossible, BUT GOD…

Bek's Birthday

2009-10-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I got to spend some time with the Ramirez Family (Jose, Laura, Annie and Bek). Bekah's 5th birthday was on the 23rd and I so wanted to spend time with her and the family. So I headed for church and got to worship with the family and spend time with them afterward. The extra blessing is that Jaime got to join us for lunch. Good times with the family :~)

Jesus, the perfect atonement

2009-10-22T16:25:00.000-07:00

When we say, “Jesus paid the price I could not pay” or “Jesus died for me, that I might be set free” – what do those “phrases” mean to you? Do we really understand what we are saying? Have we, even remotely, grasped what this cost and meant for Our Saviour Jesus Christ?

Today I read this meaning of “propitiation = ‘a sacrifice that bears God’s wrath to the end and in so doing changes God’s wrath toward us into favor’ Grudem, Systematic Theology”. I’ve also heard that justification is not only as if we had never sinned, but as if we had always obeyed – Wow!

We cannot save ourselves. We cannot maintain our salvation. We cannot earn our salvation. We are saved by grace alone. It is a free gift. However, this salvation cost an incredible price. One that, this side of heaven, we cannot even begin to comprehend nor grasp.

Once again, the LORD has been having me revisit Greg Harris’ book, The Darkness and the Glory. We are studying the book of Romans in our church (Women’s Bible Study). We are dealing with salvation by grace alone. I believe that there are those times that with our “familiarity” of certain terms or phrases we don’t grasp the fullness of that statement.

Only Jesus Christ could pay the price we could not pay.

Let me quote from the book:

The mere thought of the aggregate burden of one’s own sin – let alone the weight of every sin ever committed from Adam onward – overwhelms us…We possess neither spiritual nor mental capacities to understand it completely. We could more easily fathom numbering the sands of all the beaches in the world, giving each granule a specific name, and then recalling each grain of sand by name. Multiply this by billions, and you will begin to understand some of the depth of God’s love through Jesus Christ. We cannot even begin to seize it in thought – the magnitude of such a proposal rests only within the Godhead. No wonder angles fervently desire to look into the things related to salvation. No other event in history past or present even remotely compares to the divine love demonstrated that one dark day – as the Servant of Yahweh had His form altered and His appearance disfigured more than anyone who ever has or ever will live.

God did not look away from Jesus as the Lamb atoned for sins. During the darkness the Father looked fully on the Son. Each knew what the Other was doing during this unique second aspect of the cup that the Father had determined that His Son must drink. Is it any wonder that He was marred more than any Son of Adam ever had been (Isaiah 52:14)? How could He possible not be?

For three hours – divine wrath inflicted and received by the One alone able to do so.

For three hours – silent, willful submission by the Lamb of God, the Servant of Yahweh.

For three hours – the Father smote the Son with the full wrath He alone could render.

And then – He stopped.

God's Loving Embrace

2009-10-22T10:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard something like, “we are to be the hands and feet of Jesus”? I remember Pastor Jim Orate would always say, “May the LORD work in us, so that He can work through us”.

Yesterday, I began my day as usual. After spending time with the LORD I ventured out and drove to the gym. My body was not cooperating. My brain was “mush” – mid-terms, late nights, etc. had taken its toll on me. But, hey, I was still going to be diligent and disciplined. On Tuesday, I almost ran out sobbing in the middle of the class. Wow, the pressure we put upon ourselves! But, I didn’t. I stuck it through like the “go-getter” that I am. However, by Wednesday, there was nothing happening…energy, stamina and determination had all checked out.

I believe God is a personal God. I believe God cares about everything that happens to me. And, so I believe this morning HE knew I needed a special encounter with HIM.

What happened was that at the end of my gym class someone asked me if I was okay. I gave my normal answer, “I’m okay.” But she once again asked, she pursued it; I genuinely felt she wanted to know. I shared a little – I don’t’ know that I even knew what all was happening inside me. Then she asked me, “Would you like me to pray with you?” At this point I looked around and thought, “At the gym!?” But, hey, I am a Christian, I should be okay praying anywhere, and if this person has the courage to ask and pursue this then I need to be okay with being prayed with – at the gym. (Funny how my mind had this full on conversation; or was it a struggle?). I finally said, “okay.” She held my hands and began to pray. I, of course, began to cry. What she did next floored me. She gently embraced me and continued to pray. By this time I am sobbing. She held me for what, to me, seemed an eternity.

My God pursued me and met me where I was. He knew what I needed. He loves me so much that He used this person to hold me and pray with me, even though I was sweaty and stinky.

How many times have I neglected to heed His voice? How many times have I disregarded His still small voice that tells me go pray with or hug that person? How many times have I been in a hurry and haven’t had time to be used by Him, to minister to someone in need?

I, for one, am thankful that this person took the time to pray and hold me. I hope and pray that I will be more sensitive to those around me, to those that need a special touch.

Big Bear Lake

2009-10-08T17:59:00.001-07:00

Take Nothing for Granted

2009-10-08T09:53:00.001-07:00

God blessed my husband and me with all that was needed for us to get away for a couple of days. I want to share how this trip came about in order to encourage someone out there that might think, “I could never do this.”

My husband and I try to get away at least once a year. However, there have been circumstances and situations that have made it difficult, if not impossible to do this. One of my weaknesses is that I have a tendency to think, “we can never”, or “that will never happen to us, etc.” But, the LORD, always amazes me and humbles me with His love and care for me.

Back in 2006 the LORD provided for us to get away for a couple of days. I didn’t know where to even begin looking. He led me to a beautiful Bed and Breakfast up in Big Bear Lake. It was the perfect spot to relax, sleep and spend time with each other and with the LORD. We absolutely loved it! I remember being aware of one of the other rooms (a pricier one) that had a Jacuzzi and its balcony sat right on the lake, my thought was “we could never.” Well, three years later that is the room we stayed in.

First a friend of mine gave me a gift and said, “The LORD said this is for you and your husband to get away.” I immediately thought of Big Bear. I started praying. At this time we could not possibly get away given all that was happening in our family and home. I asked the LORD if it was possible for Him to grant us to go to Big Bear in October (the Fall in the mountains is absolutely gorgeous). I also asked Him if we could stay in that Bed and Breakfast, and if it wasn’t too much to ask, could we stay in The Shores (that’s the name of the room I had looked at previously). I looked up all the information and “it just happened” that the Bed and Breakfast was having a week day special and The Shores was the price that we could afford! And the rest my friends is history.

Allow me to back track a little. A few days before we left I was privileged to meet a precious woman that stirred me up and made me think a whole lot. She has had two brain aneurysms. She understands that “today is all we have; tomorrow is not guaranteed.” I believe some of us “quote” this, but really don’t live like we believe it. She reminded me that what I have can change in an instant. She reminded me that my husband, my children, my family is there now, but don’t take them for granted. She encouraged me to live each moment as if it was my last. As we were together she received a typed note, nothing fancy, from her husband and her son – her face lit up with joy and love. She even shared her note with everyone. She was so touched by her little note, that meant so much to her. (There was much more to this encounter, but for now this is all I’ll share.)

I thank the LORD for this encounter with this precious woman. Because of this encounter my husband and my getaway was so much more precious and meaningful. My time sitting with my husband, looking at his face, looking into his eyes, touching his warm hands, feeling his warm embrace, was so special. My thought was, “this can change in an instant.”

The LORD also reminded me that HE loves me and has good plans for me, not to harm me, but to mold me and shape me into the image of His Son.

Thank you Jesus for your unconditional love. Thank you LORD for your blessings, may I never take them for granted. Help me to focus on whatever is true, noble and praiseworthy. May I not cloud your love and your blessings with my self-pity and unbelief. Touch that person that feels like they will never get “rest”, like they will never get “a break”. Fill them with an expectant hope and with a joyful heart. In Jesus name – Amen.

Breakfast at Diana's

2009-09-19T20:06:00.001-07:00

Today I had a chance to spend the morning with some wonderful friends. How good and pleasant it is when we gather together with the brethren or the sistas, as Diana would say.

We shared breakfast together - Diana made some yummy buttermilk pancakes. Thank you Diana! After wonderful food and fellowship, Diana shared a wonderful devotion – I just love God’s Awesome Word! We were well fed in body and spirit. We then went to the kitchen to make cookies for Angie and Richard, one of Diana’s sons. Diana had pre-made three kinds of batter, so all we had to do was roll the dough and put it on the cookie sheet. It was fun to see our individual cookie-making-styles coming out. Ida, was ever so careful – was she actually measuring her dough balls? It sure seemed that way. Meg was making one ball and eating the other (I saw you Meg – he!he!) My dough was just not behaving. I think there was more dough left on my hands than the actual cookies made. Once all these yummy cookies were made, they will be packaged and mailed out to Richard and Angie – I wish I had a camera to see their faces when they get their yummy cookies. I know Angie will be very happy – she loves sweets!

We all had a wonderful time. Then it was time to come home.

2009-09-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

I am on my fourth week of school – wow, who would have thought! I am indebted to my nephew who has been there for me to encourage me and to help me walk through this unfamiliar territory – thank you Jose.

I’ve always liked to write my thoughts and ideas. In fact, that is one of the reasons I started blogging. However, when you have a deadline and someone else is giving a topic, it just doesn’t seem as fun. I remember working at a law office and having to be so specific and yes, wordy. I had to type in every detail; I had to dot all my i’s and cross all my t’s. Then came the computer and e-mails, and Facebook – now I had to get myself used to abbreviations and short thoughts – not easy, but I conquered it. So now I’m in my English class. I take my first quiz and what happens? I am asked to be specific and yes, wordy. I am not supposed to use abbreviations or fragments of sentences (wow, I am retaining something :) ). And so it goes…actually I am enjoying being a student.

We have also began our Women’s Bible Study. We will be studying the book of Romans. What an exciting journey this will be. Our first meeting was Thursday. The women were excited and eager to get into the study. Looking forward to what God will shows us through His Awesome Word.

My son, Jaime, began the process with the California Highway Patrol. He passed the written test and the physical. He then had the face-to-face interview – we are now waiting for the results of the interview. Please keep him in prayer. We only desire God’s perfect will and what will bring Him glory.

My daughter, Angie, is back at Mt. Zion School of Ministry. She is loving it. I will, as I mentioned in my previous post, keep up her blog in order to keep you up to date on what is happening in Pennsylvania. We are excited for what God is doing in her life and what He will continue to do.

My spiritual son, Jose, has begun teaching on Sundays (check out Laura’s blog for more details). We are so excited for him. Sunday was his first service. My husband and I sat in the back to pray for him and to take it all in. As I sat there, what kept coming to my mind is a picture that my sister had of him when he was little. A beautiful little face with pouting lips and tears in his eyes – if I remember correctly, he wanted to cry. My thoughts went to when my sister was pregnant with him – unexpected pregnancy because my sister’s tubes had been tied. God had a plan for him even before he was formed in his mother’s womb – Glory be to Our Awesome God!

Also, when I watched throughout that meeting room I could see the faces of many of my family members. O, truly God has done above and beyond all that I could ask or pray for. Many of my family members wonder through this life without a loving, personal relationship with Our Awesome God, through Our Savior Jesus Christ. I will hold on to what God has already allowed me to see and be a part of, knowing that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever; just like He has done with the ones that were already in that room, He can do with those who are still in the clutches of the enemy. My hope and my trust is in you, LORD.

I continue to look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith. When my body and mind don’t want to work, I will look to Him who will enable me for that which He has called me to. I am humbled and rejoice in seeing all that He has already done for me and my family and I look forward to what is up ahead.

Update

2009-09-04T16:13:00.000-07:00

It has been "interesting" around here. As you know I have started school. I also started a more challenging workout. My daughter left to Pennsylvania for her second year of school...and on the events go. The other day I had a melt-down and wanted to throw EVERYTHING out the door. I haven't though - the love and encouragement of family and friends has kept me going. My quiet time with My Saviour has been rich and encouraging; He holds me tight and gives me WORDS of encouragement, and of discipline. He tells me self-pity is not of Him. He tells me that if He calls me then He will provide all that I need to make it to the end - whatever that end will be - I don't even know(tired of trying to figure it out). I haven't been writing much on my blog because I am writing for my English Class - I guess I only have so many words (some people would laugh at that; some say I am very "wordy"). I also wondered about keeping up my daughter's blog. My thought was that I would just update people through Facebook, but that has changed - I will keep up her blog too. With that come over to Angie's Blog and read the latest. I'm rambling to catch you up. Still believing and clinging to the hem of His garment. To God be the glory!

Motives

2009-08-19T08:08:00.001-07:00

This morning I heard a song by Chris Sligh (Empty Me).

Through the lyrics one thing that stood out was “empty me so that I can be filled with YOU”. More of Him and less of me:

2 Corinthians 12:9 - And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

John 3:30 - He must increase, but I [must] decrease.

Then the LORD brought to mind something I had read, sometime ago, in Chuck Swindoll’s book, "Improving Your Serve":

“WHAT’S YOUR MOTIVE?”
Why are you planning this?
What’s the reason behind your doing that?
Why did you say yes (or no)?
What is the motive for writing that letter?
Why are you excited over this opportunity?
What causes you to bring up that subject?
Why did you mention his/her name?
What’s your motive, Leticia?

Wow! Truly lots to pray and meditate on.

Psalm 139:23-24 - Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Jeremiah 17:9-10 - The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his
ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

Then I remember something my nephew told me (I don’t remember who he was quoting): Maintain integrity in the message (The Word); Purity in the motives (no flattery, no greed, no self-glory, never work to be appreciated); Credibility of service (we are being watched by the sheep and the wolves).

Motives check everyone. I am asking the LORD for purity…with that some things will burn and some will stand. May it ALL be done for the glory of My Heavenly Father and ONLY for His glory.

Matthew 5:16 - Let your light so shine before men, that they may see
your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Thinking again...

2009-08-13T13:55:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you run into some pictures that simply leave you speechless. You simply sit there and reminisce. Pictured here (from left to right) is Meño, my older brother, My Dad, Mom, and Guille, my older sister.

Dad's face says it all...he loved being with his children. Dad and Sis are gone now...

God is my comfort and assurance. One day it will all make sense.

God's Fierece Love for Me

2009-08-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

From Elyse M. Fitzpatrick’s book Comforts from the Cross:

Day 16 – SEE HIM!
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1

…the story of redemption is, in its purest form, a love story, but it’s a love story unlike anything you could ever imagine. It’s the story of God’s love for you, but this love isn’t just a sweet sentiment inscribed on a greeting card destined for next week’s garbage bin. It’s deeper and richer, and honestly a bit frightening. It’s love that is
willing to afflict itself and its beloved for a greater good.

…Fierce love pours from the tip of the pen of John…let me encourage you to push past detached facts, which can anesthetize the soul, to hear this breathtaking message. Picture him jumping up and down, waving his arms, seeking to awaken us from our stupor, while we muse, “Oh yes, God’s love…la la la…I’m his child. Isn’t that nice,” and then sink back into our comfy recliner, revisiting fantasies of how pleasant our lives would be if Santa really did visit us this year. “No, no! You’re missing it!” he would be yelling. “This love is the most important thing about you; it changes and will change everything!”

…Shake off your boredom and apathy. God’s love for you is fierce, self-afflicting, white-hot, life-transforming. The goal of this love is that you may be called God’s
daughter, God’s son. All this pain and grief is bent on one primary goal: your adoption and his eventual praise. Your relationship with the Creator of all there is has been secured in the blood and tears of love’s delight…

This whole concept of God’s fierce love for me struck me and paralyzed me. It made me push past the facts, past the boredom…what manner of love is this? Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, left all perfection and glory to come down and dwell amongst us and pay a price I could not ever pay – all for LOVE! This should not be boring. This should not be yesterday’s news. We should not read this as, “o yeah, I read this already – check. What will my reading be for tomorrow?” For GOD SO LOVED…that HE GAVE…

Thinking of My Brothers

2009-08-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

Humberto
Oscar

Charly

I've been thinking allot about my brothers. I heard this song by Leeland called Tears of the Saints and my heart just broke for them. I tried to put the video, but had trouble so I just put the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jg1jBuInMqA

Let us keep watching and praying. Let us not give up.

A Student - Me???

2009-07-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

The writing juices have not been flowing lately. Actually I have been reading so much that I am on information overload (good information overload).

We are preparing to begin our Women’s Bible Study. This year we will be starting in September and so there has been lots of preparation for this. Also, in a month my daughter, Angie will be flying, once again, to Pennsylvania.

In the midst of all this I have decided to start school – yes, school! A year ago, when I attended my first Women Discipline Women Conference, something happened to me. Something was stirred within me and hence, this wild ride into going to school has begun. It has been an interesting thing – from the application process, to the assessment test, to the student orientation, etc. There have been times that I shake my head and think, “this is crazy!” There have been apprehensions, doubts, questions, and on I could go, but somehow God continues to lead me on this direction. I also have wonderful family and friends who have been encouraging and lifting me up in prayer. Thank you all!

Yesterday I went to get my “Student ID” – the feelings are so crazy. Thank God I am not to rely on “my feelings”. Once again I think, “This is crazy!”

On July 6, 2009 I read the following on Sue Cramer’s blog:
Dare to Dream Big!
If your dreams don’t scare you…there’re not big enough! (Hab. 2:1-3)

So here we go. All I have is today; tomorrow is in God’s hands. Don’t know what or where all this will take me, but I know that God is My Good Shepherd and He will not lead me a stray.

Women's Bible Study Fellowship

2009-06-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

The Body of Christ

2009-06-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

As of late I've been more and more aware of the many afflictions that are assailing The Body of Christ. Psalm 34:19 says, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all." According to God's Word these afflictions are not uncommon. I read two posts from a couple of blogs that I frequent that resonate in the same light as what I have been experiencing. You can visit them at Gina's Blog and Julie's Blog.

In all this turmoil, in all this affliction it is wonderful to have those in the Body of Christ who are Christ's hands and feet. Now, please understand that in no way does it mean that if "someone" doesn't minister to you or does something special for you, it means that God is not ever-present, ever-caring for every single one of your needs. All I am saying is that when God chooses to use "someone" and that someone chooses to obey then there are blessings all around (Isaiah 35:3 - Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees).

One day, as I sat on my couch - depleted, unable to think or move - the door rang. I thought, "great! who can this be...I don't need this right now." I mustered up strength and went to the door only to find a beautiful sister with this gorgeous box in hand. This sister had absolutely no idea what all was going on. All she knew is that she was supposed to deliver this box to my house and give it to me. This particular ministry is called "The Joy Box Ministry". These beautiful boxes are packed with 7 small gifts with a Scripture on them. You are to open one gift a day for the next seven days. Had I had it my way I was tempted to open this box on the spot and open every single one of those promises. I was so "needy". The thought that this was a special gift for "ME" from the LORD, was beyond my comprehension.

Look inside, isn't it beautiful?

Everyday I would pick up my special gift/promise for that day with such love. Everyday God's special word to me was exactly what I needed for that day. These days were so incredibly hard that I did not have the mindset to sit and read at any length, but God knew. He knew that all I needed was this "tiny, but powerful manna" - just for the day. What an awesome God we serve!!!

On another day I received this beautiful post card. My daughter and I laughed because she said, "Look Mom its hair looks like yours." Actually this little critter looks better than I did when I received it - lol!!!

Another time, I was at the hospital with Mom having had an extremely rough night. Wondering, questioning, maybe even on auto-pilot...as I sat there gazed, watching Mom finally sleeping, my phone rang - I precious sister who moved to another State called me. My goodness, what an incredible comfort! It reminds me of a time I was in Mexico with Mom. We had had an incredible go at it with a few nights with absolutely no rest, nor sleep. When the phone rang, once again the thought came, "I don't want to handle another call." I picked up the phone only to hear the sweet voice of my pastor's wife. She spoke and prayed for me. All I did was cry. At the end of that call, I could barely audible say, "thank you."

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 - Blessed be God, even the Father of our LORD Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; who comforteth us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to
comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.

Praising God!

2009-06-16T19:43:00.000-07:00

I feel as though I can finally "BREATH".

When my daughter came home for summer vacation she went to the Doctor for a physical. Amongst several minor issues we also heard something that simply floored me, "I feel some lumps in her breasts. We need to run some tests."

All I can tell you is that unless God had carried me by His Awesome Presence and His Powerful Word I would have folded. In the midst of an array of doctor's appointments there were so many other "minor issues" compared to this one. However, these minor issues made things more difficult and frustrating.

Can I just say that since I heard these words from the Doctor I feel like I've been holding my breath. Between this first visit and today God has carried me and sustained me and reassured me.

Psalm 119:92 - Unless Your law (God's Word) had
been my delight, I would then have perished in my affliction.

I could fill pages and pages of His Awesome Powerful Word that He spoke to me comfort and reassurance - regardless of the outcome. I also had incredible sister's in the LORD carrying us through prayer and friendship - thank you all. May the LORD refresh you in the manner that you refreshed and comforted us.

Tests, tests, tests, surgery, biopsy...today we received a report that IT WAS NOT CANCER! Just typing these words shake me. Now, I am fully aware that had it been the other way around, God would still sustain and carry us through the end for His glory and for His purpose.

For now - I will breath, I will thank, I will praise.

God's Promises are Comforting

2009-06-04T05:44:00.000-07:00

Today I will cling to God's incredible promises:

2 Timothy 1:7 ...For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and of love, and of a sound mind.

v. 12 - ...I know WHOM I have believed, and am persuaded that HE IS ABLE to keep that which I have committed unto HIM...(italics mine)

Also, Psalm 121; Psalm 91:1-2

I will trust and cling to HIM.

Angie will trust and cling to HIM.

What a wonderful Heavenly Father we have. Pray for us.

Happy 23rd Birthday Angie!

2009-06-03T07:20:00.001-07:00

(Sahara and Angie)

Today we celebrate our daughter's 23rd Birthday.

We are blessed to be able to have her home for the summer to celebrate with her.

Happy Birthday Angie!!!

We love you tons!!!

Leadership Retreat

2009-06-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

The LORD allowed my husband and I to be part of a retreat for Pastor and Leaders of all the spanish calvary chapels. It was held at Twin Peaks. These are pictures of the couples from our church that were able to be part of these retreat...including our Pastor and his lovely wife. We all went for a walk in the woods and had a wonderful time.

Picking-In

2009-05-28T19:11:00.000-07:00

I just happened to find someone who has a laptop and wanted to let everyone know that "crazy" is how it has been. We are out of our house and, if you can believe this, I'm actually at this point "relaxing". The Scripture that God continues to bring to my heart and mind is Psalm 91:1-2, he who dwells in the secret place of the most High God, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to my God, you are my Refuge you are my God, I will trust in you (my version). And one in Isaiah that says "you will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed in thee (I will put the whole Scripture and reference once I am home).

Thank God for His incredible Word...all-sufficient, filled with comfort...Thank you Jesus!

More to come once I have time...

Hungry Critters

2009-05-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

It has been exciting around here. I had to take these pictures to show just how nasty these critters (termites) can be. We had to pack all our edibles on Tuesday and out of our house on Wednesday. I wanted to take a picture of our tented house, but forgot my camera. The workers showed me a piece of wood that they took of. There wasn't much wood left, all that was left was the paint - an incredible sight! Anyhow we were able to come home on Friday and tried to get the house together before leaving to a Leadership Retreat.

Update

2009-05-21T17:45:00.000-07:00

For those of you who at times read my blog - just wanted to let you know that I have not fallen off from the face of the earth, I've fallen a few times, but not off the face of the earth.

It has been really odd-crazy around here. Let's see, doctor appointments, lab work, x-rays, plumber, termite inspection, doctor appointments...did I mention doctor appointments, me under the weather (yeah, what's new), back went out, neck did not want to turn, a cough that just doesn't want to go away, some medical issues that are still being checked out...

And in case you are wondering..."the circus is coming to town!" Yes, my friends, we have to tent our house for termite fumigation. We are now in the process of working out all the logistics - this is so complicated! Who would have thought these tiny little creatures could create so much havoc and do so much damage.

So anyhow, keeping up with blogging, even though there have been things I want to write(good things), has been close to impossible. I just wanted to stop by and say hello, I'm still here...keep praying for us.

Beautiful Table

2009-05-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

Tea Time!

2009-05-04T18:18:00.000-07:00

On Sunday we were invited by Theresa to a Tea she put together for her Mom, Gloria. The Hall family has become just an incredible part of our lives - we love them all! Anyhow, the table was gorgeous and the food was "DELICIOUS". Theresa and her aunts really out did themselves. They really should have their own business. Everything was yummy and gorgeous. The company was incredible. We felt like such ladies...we had a wonderful time. Thank you Theresa for all your work and for having us be part of this wonderful time:)

Busy, Busy, Busy

2009-05-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

Wow, has it been busy around here. Lots of Doctor's appointments, both for myself and my daughter. Now we have follow up appointments...got to love these bodies! Amidst of it all I have to thank the LORD that we have health insurance - hasn't always been this way...thank you LORD!

I have also been blessed by the LORD to be able to spend wonderful time together with women that I love. I've been able to simply sit and spend quality time with each one of them.

I had a chance to spend quality time with two dear friend. We sat and enjoyed a quiet evening together over dinner. We treasure these times together.

On Saturday, my friend Laura and I got the opportunity to spend the day together. We not only had the opportunity to sit together and enjoy each others company, but we also got to enjoy getting fed both spiritually and physically by wonderful women of God. We got to attend a wonderful Conference at Grace Community Church. The theme was COMMUNION with God and COMMITMENT to others. I wish I could give you ALL that I received from the LORD through these wonderful teachers, but I would not do it justice. Suffice it to say that what we were taught was not watered down and was like a scalpel in the hand of a surgeon. Surgery of the heart took place and, although it hurt, I know that the healing and the "health" of my soul is what God is looking for in me.

God has truly blessed me with wonderful women around me.

Angie is Home

2009-04-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

My daughter, Angie, is home for the summer. It brings such joy to my heart to hold her in my arms and see her beautiful face. Thank you LORD for bringing her home safely and sustaining her through her first year at Mt. Zion...your faithfulness, O LORD, is from everlasting to everlasting.

Check out a couple of pictures from her arrival - click here.

David's Response to His Enemies

2009-04-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

After Absalom begins his take over of his father’s kingdom – David would have said it was God’s kingdom – David and his people flee.

2 Samuel 15:23…toward the way of the WILDERNESS.

Can you imagine David’s heart on this journey? It wasn’t a journey he chose nor one that he was glad to embark on. It was a situation totally beyond his control. And to top it off, his pilgrimage is not a smooth one – on this “way of the wilderness” David encounters lots of issues.

Remember David’s response to Saul? Well here in 2 Samuel 16:5-14 we are given another glimpse at David’s response to another one of his enemies.

v. 5 - …came out a man of the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shemei…he came forth, and cursed still as he came.

v. 6 – And he cast stones at David…

v. 7 – And thus said Shimei when he cursed, Come out, come out, thou bloody man, and thou man of Belial:

v. 8 – The LORD hath returned…the LORD hath delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom thy son:…thou art taken in thy mischief, because thou art a bloody man.

Shimei was sort of saying, “Everything that is happening to you, David, is your fault. God is judging you”. If this were me, I’d be a basket case by this point. Just let me crawl under a rock and never come out.

v. 9 – (read the response of those with David? Yeah, this would probably be me. “Off with his head!”)

David’s response:

vv. 10-12 – And the king said, What have I to do with you, ye sons of Zeruiah? So let him curse, because the LORD hath said unto him, Curse David. Who shall then say, Wherefore hast thou done so? And David said to Abishai, and to all his servants, Behold, my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now may this Benjamite do it? Let him alone, and let him curse; for the LORD hath bidden him. It may be that the LORD will look on mine affliction, and that the LORD will require me good for his cursing this day.

v. 13 – And as David and his men went by the way, Shimei went along on the hillside over against him, and cursed as he went, and threw stones at him, and cast dust.

How is that for additional turmoil on this already difficult journey – someone right along with you cursing you and throwing stones and dust at you?

v. 14 – And the king, and all the people that were with him, came weary, and refreshed themselves there.

Then later in 2 Samuel 18:5 we read, …Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom…(This was David’s concern for his son, Absalom, regardless of all that Absalom had brought him through).

Then when David finds out about Absalom’s death we read in 2 Samuel 18:33, David response, And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!

Breaks your heart, doesn’t it? David’s treatment of his enemies gives us much to ponder and meditate, and also brings us to a place of searching our hearts to say, “Change my heart, O God, make it ever new. Change my heart, O God, may I be like YOU.”

Chaffey High School Alumni Game

2009-04-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

Jaime batting
Jaime catching
My handsome son;)

Today, just for a moment I was transported back in time.

Just for a moment I sat and enjoyed a wonderful afternoon at the ballpark.

Just for a moment life felt normal;

Just for a moment I could sit in the sun watching my son play baseball.

Thank you LORD for those "moments".

Love Your Enemies

2009-04-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

In our Women’s Bible Study we have been going through Elizabeth George’s book, A Women After God’s Own Heart. We have been extremely challenged, to say the least. Hence, God is teaching me about being a woman after His heart, as David was.

In my morning reading I’m going through the Old Testament. At this point I am reading through 2 Samuel, today I read about Saul’s death.

As of late God has been showing me some things about Saul and David’s relationship, and of course teaching me some things (He is always refining me and there is still quite a bit of dross that He is wanting to melt away).

God grabbed my attention when I read David’s response to his enemy’s (Saul) death – 2 Samuel 1:11-12, 17 – Then David took hold on his clothes, and rent them;…And they mourned, and wept, and fasted until even, for Saul,…And David lamented with this lamentation over Saul…

Wow! No wonder God had sought himself “a man after his own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14) and this man was David. Given Saul and David’s history, I would think that David’s response would have been one of relief; one of saying, “Good, I don’t have to be on the run anymore. I don’t have to be hiding or looking over my shoulder. This ‘difficult person’ is gone!” Then a big sigh of relief…NOT!!! David’s response was far from that, in fact, it was totally the opposite.

And, once again, given the past stories that we’ve read about David and Saul, could we have expected any other response from David? David had many opportunities to defeat and destroy Saul, yet David always chose the higher road.

Ya think this Scripture applies here?

Matthew 5:44 - But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

In fact we don’t ever hear of David sitting with his buddies and telling them all his woes and how awful Saul was to him in spite of David being there for Saul.

Proverbs 10:19 – In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.

1 Peter 4:8 – And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

Lots to learn…lots to meditate on.

God is absolutely not done with me yet. Thank God for His long-suffering.

Beautiful Flowers

2009-04-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

I wanted to show off my front yard flowers...I absolutely love the "COLOR"!

I had been wanted to plant these for a while. My hubby planted them last year and this year we are enjoying the incredible color as we walk into our house, as I sit in my living room watching them out the window...I absolutely love them! Isn't God's creation beautiful?!

Catching Up

2009-04-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I decided to finally look into some new ailments that had been assailing my body (I guess I didn’t have enough excitement going on that I decided to go look for some on my own). I had a tooth that had been bothering me for some months now, which now was causing severe pain and discomfort. Then I had a situation going on with the back of my throat, not a new thing, but now it had become really bad to the point that the back of my throat was bleeding and extremely uncomfortable and painful.

Got into the Dentist…you need a root canal which will cost (a lot of money) even with insurance. Got in to see my regular Doctor who gave me antibiotics and referred me to an ENT specialist.

A few weeks ago I had my initial work done on my tooth. Not fun!!! It was very painful and uncomfortable. In fact, I had a really bad reaction to the point that I actually had a “panic/anxiety attack” – this has never happened to me. I had to be on pain killers for “ever” after this work was done.

This week:

Monday – ENT visit. An interesting visit to say the least – won’t bore you with the details. However, let me entertain you with this - I was sitting in the examining room minding my own business, trying to explain to an “overworked, hurry up I only have five minutes with you” kind of doctor what my problems where when he said, “Okay, I will look down your throat.” I’m like, “okay” As he is making his way to me with this thing in his hand, I open my mouth and he says, “O, you don’t need to open your mouth. This will go through your nose.” (PAUSE FOR EFFECT – yes, if your eyes are open and your mouth ajar, this is kinda-sorta my reaction). Before I knew it a foreign object was making its way through my nose – pain, discomfort, tears rolling – while two helpers looked on as the doctor breezed through the procedure without blinking an eye – after all, he has had this done twice, well that makes me feel better! After this extremely invasive procedure I was literally escorted (and that is putting it extremely politely) out of the room and told I will get a follow up appointment. I guess the doctor was running late and hadn’t met his patient quota for the day (just my observation).

Tuesday – Dentist visit. Continued work on my tooth. Once I began to sit in the chair and see all the instruments, then I saw the syringe and I felt myself getting anxious again. The work took forever and my mouth and jaw were in absolute pain…more pain medication.

Wednesday – Chiropractor visit. This was a nice visit, aside from the fact that because I’ve been Spring Cleaning I threw my back and other parts of my body out. But it was a nice visit:)

Thursday – I wanted to continue my Spring Cleaning so my goal was to tackle one of the rooms today and work all day, since I didn’t have any appointments and my body had been put back together. However, at around 10:00 a.m. I get a call saying that I need to go get a CT Scan of my neck to make sure that I have no masses. What?! (jaw and eyes wide open again!)

So, after fasting for four hours I head on to the Scan place. The nurse couldn’t find my veins…she finally got one on my hand which was extremely painful. Then we went through this procedure with dye shot into my veins. At one point I began to feel really “HOT” and began to breathe really fast – is this another panic/anxiety attack coming on??? Okay, so is this going to be a regular now?

And while I’m at it, is it just me or has office etiquette gone out the window? I have been amazed at the kind of conversations that medical office employees (and any other professional employee) carry on amongst themselves while there are patients around. Do they realize how unprofessional and uncomfortable this is for the patient? Do they realize that this gives their office an awful reputation? Does their boss know that they carry own these kind of conversations in the front office? Just wondering…

And a note on Spring Cleaning…I am so excited that I have been able to accomplish so much thus far. I haven’t been able to do any of this for a while and so for me to have done what I’ve done, it’s exciting. However, the down side is that today I already see DUST!!! Once work never ends – sigh!

Resurrection Celebration at Gracia Calvary

2009-04-12T21:02:00.000-07:00

Pleasant Surprise

2009-04-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today I had an incredible surprise...my friend, Amy (far right) came over to visit.

This group of women were and have been such a blessing in my life. When I started to homeschool, these women and I would get together to pray for our children and for us as we ventured into the incredible ministry of homeschooling. We would also get together for fun times. This picture was taken at a Tea given by Hamilda (far left). She put on a feast for us. She had "minks" and hat for each one of us. We had such a wonderful time! This was only one of many times that we enjoyed each others company. Well, as life would have it we have all entered different seasons of our lives, however, each one of them has a very special part in my heart. Some years ago, Amy moved to Colorado. This weekend she was visiting her girls in California and she made time to come and sit with me for a while. It truly was a pleasant surprise and an incredible visit. Thank you Amy for making time to come by. Maybe one day I will visit you in Colorado;)

The Tale of Three Trees

2009-04-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

(This story was e-mailed to me by a friend. It so touched my heart, I wanted to share it. So often we forget "our dreams" in the midst of challenges, of changes, yet God's plan for our lives continues despite those seeming "mistakes" or "detours". I am also reminded that God's ways are not my ways, nor are His thoughts my thoughts. God will complete the good work He began in us...to the glory of God. Amen!)

The Tale of three Trees

Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up. The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: "I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I'll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!" The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on its way to the ocean. "I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I'll be the strongest ship in the world!" The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. "I don't want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they'll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world."

Years passed and the little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, "This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining ax, the first tree fell. "Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!" the first tree said. The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, "This tree is strong. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining ax, the second tree fell. "Now I shall sail mighty waters!" thought the second tree. "I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!" The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. "Any kind of tree will do for me." He muttered. With a swoop of his shining ax the third tree fell.

The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter's shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feed box for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, nor with treasure. She was coated with sawdust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals. The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty ship was made that day. Instead, the once strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river. Instead she was taken to a little lake. The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. "What happened?" The once tall tree wondered. "All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God..."

Many, many days and nights passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feed box. "I wish I could make a cradle for him," her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and the sturdy wood. "This manger is beautiful," she said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake. Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through the wind and the rain. The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand and said, "Peace." The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. And suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the King of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hands to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth trembled with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God.

That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

Women's Bible Study Fellowship

2009-03-31T18:57:00.000-07:00

Our Women's Bible Study had a night of fellowship. It was wonderful to hear how the LORD is ministering to each individual woman exactly where they are at. Isn't that the way the Word of God is? One Book can speak to each personally. It was encouraging and exciting to hear what the LORD has done. We are looking forward to what He will do with the rest of the time we have together.

(This is totally aside...the bummer for me, personally, is that in the morning I had a root canal done and I totally did not enjoy my dinner. btw I had so forgotten what this whole experience was like, that as I started to remember and relive it I began to get an anxiety attack on the dentist chair - thank God for His Word which He has so graciously helped me to memorize. I began to think Scripture and to remember worship songs...then the whole process was finally over...thank you Jesus!)

2009-03-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

Since I wrote the previous post I haven't been able to shake some additional thoughts -

What I've read, thus far, in the book The Darkness and the Glory is too deep and heavy to be able to do it justice by simply typing a few quotes. I quoted from Chapter 3 - The Darkness, but I want you to be aware that the quotes I picked are not even minutely close to what has ministered to me. In fact the entire chapter has me chewing, chewing, chewing. You would have to read the chapter in its entirety, and in that matter the entire book, in order to get the context and the entire picture.

Hebrews 12:1-4 - Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.

2 Corinthians 8:9 - For you know the grace of our LORD Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich.

The Darkness and the Glory

2009-03-27T20:43:00.000-07:00

A while back I was given a book called The Darkness and the Glory by Greg Harris. I was excited about the book, but I must admit that having read Dr. Harris’ first book, The Cup and the Glory, I was kind of apprehensive about reading this second book. Now, don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed reading The Cup and the Glory, however it was extremely sobering – Lessons on Suffering and the Glory of God is simply not the kind of lessons I jump at the chance to get into. I was also going through a lot of “hard-things” in every day life, and so getting into a “deep-book” was not something I wanted to do. I wanted something “light-flowery-kind-of-book”. However, God kept prompting me to pick up the book – The Darkness and the Glory.

In the beginning, do to my state of mind, I was simply not getting into it. I even thought of putting the book down and away until another “season”, but God would not allow me to.

I am not finished reading the book, however, the things that have been etched in my heart are so deep; they are not the kind of things that you read and move on. Some of the aspects of My Savior’s crucifixion have been shown me through this book that I couldn’t even began to think or understand. Thus far Chapter 3 has left a picture in my heart that has been so deeply sketched that I can’t shake it from my mind. Dr. Harris writes about those three hours of darkness during Jesus’ crucifixion in a way that I have never heard and in a way that shake me to the core.

And I quote:
…In answer as to why the darkness was over the cross comes this best bliblical response: in the same manner by which the Abrahamic and Mosaic Covenant had darkness when they were ratified, so too did God employ darkness as He ratified His New Covenant in the blood of Jesus. This obviously requires God’s presence at the cross. Could God possibly be absent from a covenant that He Himself ratifies?

…Part of what made the cup that Jesus drank differ from all others and also added to torture that marred His body beyond measure was this second element unique to Him: God the Father struck and smote God the Son. Satan and rebellious man each had his role in this crime, and God held each party accountable for his actions. However, the Father played a unique role in Jesus’ suffering.

…While human and satanic agents all had a part, the Word mandates a specific and deliberate striking of God’s Messiah by the Father – a fact that we would never know unless God revealed it. Somewhere in the crucifixion narrative, in order for Scripture t be fulfilled, there must be a divine striking of God’s own Shepherd by God Himself.

…It seems best to understand that Satan had completed his God-ranted hour of authority at this point. He would no more play a major role in the crucifixion from this point onward; Scripture makes no more reference to him again regarding the crucifixion. What would transpire now lay only in the Father’s hands. Jesus had endured so much by the midpoint of His crucifixion, yet the two most horrific aspects of His suffering were only now beginning. No one needed to explain to either the angelic or demonic realm the key question at hand: what would god the Father do once He approached His son?

…For three hours – divine wrath inflicted and received by the One alone able to do so.

For three hours – silent, willful submission by the Lamb of God, the Servant of Yahweh.

For three hours – Jesus bore the full burden of sins past, present, and future.

For three hours – the Father smote the Son with the full wrath He alone could render.

And then – He stopped.

~~~~~~

I read Dr. Harris’ blog and on his post dated January 30, 2009 he writes, “With The Cup and the Glory, many of them had life experiences of their own cup and hardships. With The Darkness and the Glory, which deals with the cup that Jesus alone had to drink because no one else could, it has been a lot less vocal as a reverential awe and worship of what Jesus endured for us permeated our last session. There were still comments, of course, but when we look at what He endured, we see how far removed we are from Him, and often there are no words fit to express this. This is fitting and is as God intends and is at the heart of true worship.”

And to think that Jesus did this for you, for me…

Dr. Harris website: http://www.glorybooksministry.org/
Dr. Harris blog: http://glorybooksministry.blogspot.com/

2009-03-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

I just saw a video/testimonials in a blog I visit that moved me to tears. Go over to Sue's Blog and check it out...I know it will minister to you.

ROOTS...

2009-03-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

Wow! What God, once again is showing me is so incredible. The other day I noticed these huge, ugly roots in my back yard.

Who put them there? I didn’t. I didn’t plant them; I didn’t nurture them; I didn’t even water them. Yet, they grew and grew and grew. It took my husband and an ugly, big, steel pick to pull them out. And let me tell you the process wasn’t simple. My husband had to break up the ground all around the weed, he had to dig and dig and dig. Then he had to yank, and pull and dig some more, and pull some more, finally managing to get the weed with only some its roots out. Then by hand he had to clean out the remaining roots on the ground, otherwise we will soon have more weeds.

One of the things the LORD showed me was that although I had nothing to do with planting this weed, I had a choice of whether to leave it there or to take it out. I could have said, “It doesn’t bother me”; “I can’t take it out”; “It’s not that bad anyway”; “I don’t want to bother anyone to help me take it out”, “It’s been there all this time, why take it out now”, etc.

ROOTS – deep, embedded issues, situations, etc. that have left their ugliness in my heart, in my life…

As I thought about this, the LORD brought to mind something I had read in the book, “Hinds Feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard

Chapter 16 – Grave on the Mountain

…they (Much Afraid, Sorrow and Suffering) found it to be some kind of stone altar with the indistinct figure of someone standing behind it.

“This is the place,” said Much-Afraid quietly. “This is where I am to make my offering.” She went up to the altar and knelt down…

She knelt there quite alone in the cold, clammy mist, beside the desolate altar in this valley of shadow, and into her mind came the words which Bitterness had flung at her long before when she walked the shores of loneliness: “Sooner or later, when he gets you up on the wild places of the mountains he will put you on some sort of a cross and abandon you to it.”

It seemed that in a way Bitterness had been right, thought Much-Afraid to herself, only he had been too ignorant to know and she too foolish at that time to understand that in all the world only one thing really mattered, to do the will of the one she followed and loved, no matter what it involved or cost. Strangely enough, as she knelt there by the altar, seemingly abandoned at that last tremendous crisis, there was no sign or sound of the presence of her enemies.

The grave up on the mountains is at the very edge of the High Places and beyond the reach of PRIDE and BITTERNESS and RESENTMENT and SELF-PITY, yes, and of FEAR too,…(emphasis mine)

After she had waiting for a little and still he had no come, she put out her hand and with one final effort of failing strength grasped the natural human love and desire growing in her heart and struggled to tear them out. At the first touch it was as though anguish pierced through her every nerve and fiber, and she knew with a pang almost of despair that THE ROOTS HAD WOUND AND TWINED AND TRUST THEMSELVES INTO EVERY PART OF HER BEING (emphasis mine). Though she put forth all her remaining strength in the most desperate effort to wrench them out, not a single rootlet stirred.

For the first time she felt something akin to fear and panic. SHE WAS NOT ABLE TO DO THIS THING WHICH HE ASKED OF HER (emphasis mine). Having reached the altar at last, she was powerless to obey. Turning to those who had been her guides and helpers all the way up the mountains, she asked for their help, and for them to do what she could not for herself, to tear the plant out of her heart. For the first time Suffering and Sorrow shook their heads.

“We have done all that we can for you,” they answered, “but this we cannot do.”

At that the indistinct figure behind the altar stepped forward and said quietly, “I am the priest of this altar – I will take it out of your heart IF YOU WISH.” (emphasis mine)

Much-Afraid turned toward him instantly. “Oh, thank you,” she said. “I beg you to do so.”

He came and stood beside her, his form indistinct and blurred by the midst, and then she continued entreatingly, “I am a very great coward. I am afraid that the pain may cause me to try to resist you. Will you bind me to the altar in some way so that I cannot move? I would not like to be found struggling while the will of my Lord is done.”

There was complete silence in the cloud-filled canyon for a moment or two, then the priest answered, “It is well said. I will bind you to the altar.” Then he bound her hand and foot.

When he had finished, Much-Afraid lifted her face toward the High Places which were quite invisible and spoke quietly through the mist. “My Lord, behold me – here I am, in the place thou didst send me to – doing the thing thou didst tell me to do, for where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried; the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me” (Ruth 1:17).

Still there was silence, a silence as of the grave, for indeed she was in the grave of her own hopes and still without the promised hinds’ feet, still outside the High Places with even the promise to be laid down on the altar. This was the place to which the long, heartbreaking journey had led her. Yet just once more before she laid it down on the altar, Much-Afraid repeated the glorious promise which had been the cause of her starting for the High Places. “The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet and he will make me to walk upon mine High Places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments” (Hab. 3:19).

The priest put forth A HAND OF STEEL, right into her heart. There was a sound of RENDING AND TEARING, and the human love, with all its myriad rootless and fibers, came forth. (emphasis mine)

He held it for a moment and then said, “Yes, it was ripe for removal, the time had come. There is not a rootlet torn or missing.”

When he had said this he cast it down on the altar and spread his hands above it. There came a flash of fire which seemed to rend the altar; after that, nothing but ashes remained, either of the love itself, which had been so deeply planted in her heart, or of the suffering and sorrow which had been her companions on that long, strange journey. A sense of utter, overwhelming rest and peace engulfed Much-Afraid. At last, the offering had been made and there was nothing left to be done. When the priest had unbound her she leaned forward over the ashes on the altar and said with complete thanksgiving, “It is finished.”

Then, utterly exhausted, she fell asleep.

Totally Random ^_^

2009-02-27T10:53:00.001-08:00

~~So I'm sitting in my comfy sofa with my, lately, regular attire - bleach spotted sweats;) There was finally a break in the day and all I wanted to do was sit and not think. I turn on the T.V. and channel surf until I find - drumroll please - an infomercial! I'm not feeling particularly "pretty" or in any sense made-up. Come to find out I can look "flawless" with just a stroke of "minerals"...who would have thunk it! I am not kidding you when I say that I was so ready to make that call. And with a special that would only last for the next five minutes...I had to hurry up and make my decision...(pause for a word from our sponsor).

Later during the day I finally decided to do something more constructive and actually listened to a message on the Internet. It was titled, "Ordinary You/Extraordinary God"...yeah! Then when I heard a number of LIES exposed, one being "You Are Your Appearance", whew! I was sure glad that I had not bought into the LIE that these "minerals" where going to make me FEEL pretty and hence everything was going to be okay.

~~So I guess lent has started. I've been hearing people around me be so absolutely passionate about what they are giving up as a sacrifice during these next forty days of lent. However, with that passion there are also some really strange comments and conversations. Here are a couple:

One Mom was so excited and passionate, she was giving up dark chocolate and pepsi! She was hoping that this year she would make it all the way through the forty days because she never seems to be able to hold out this long. She is also MAKING her children give up T.V. and the Wii, in addition to that extra good deed, that prayer to the Archangel Michael, that being good to your siblings, that respecting your parents - hopefully by the end of the forty days "they will get it". Will get what? She is imposing more on her kids then she is on herself and she expects them to carry it through for the forty days, when she isn't even sure she can handled it herself...Hummm...

Another lady was chatting away about how she had been at a strip club, having some beers, etc., however, when they later went to have dinner she absolutely refused to have meat because it was Ash Wednesday. In fact, she would not even have mashed potatoes and gravy because the gravy came from the meat juices...this one really through me for a loop=O

Be Still My Soul...

2009-02-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

Psalm 23:1-3 - The LORD is my Shepherd...He makes me lie down...besides STILL waters. He restores my soul...

(refreshment, renewal, restoration...)

Mark 6:31 - ..."Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while"...

Song of Solomon - the winter is past...the rain is over and gone...the flowers appear on the earth...the time of singing has come...AMEN!

Psalm 46:10 - Be STILL and KNOW that I AM God.

God Continues to Speak to Me...

2009-02-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

I read a devo entitled "God Will Not Let You Break" - Thank you Jesus!

"...the worst kind of blasphemy is to think God is behind all your hurt and pain..."

"...It is true that the LORD chastens those He loves, but that chastening is only for a season and is not mean to hurt us. God is not the author of confusion in your life;..."

All I have to say is that the battle of the mind is a fierce one. And the fiery darts are simply paralysing, yet I have to choose to "hear the voice of TRUTH" rather than lies. I have to choose to read, praise, pray, listen, obey...there is always a choice between that which will build me up or that which will tear me down.

Thank you Jesus that "Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning."!

This Thing(s) Are from Him...

2009-02-22T20:11:00.000-08:00

Go over to the Caregiver's Blog and read what the LORD spoke to me through an incredible devotion. One of the many things that stood out was "...Have you longed to do some great work for Me and instead have been laid aside on a bed of pain and weakness? This thing is from Me. I could not get your attention in your busy days and I want to teach you some of My deepest lessons. "They also serve who only stand and wait." Some of My greatest workers are those shut out from active service, that they may learn to wield the weapon of all-prayer..."

Many of you know that I have been heart broken at the fact that I have not been able "to be there" for my husband during this incredibly difficult time. I've wondered...I've questioned...I've, dare I write it here...yes, resented it.

Can I tell you as the Psalmist would say, I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living...

Let me just say that "I have seen the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living". I have been amazed and have sat in awe at what My Awesome and Mighty God has done through my husband. You would first need to know that my husband is incredibly shy and absolutely not a talker, even in a small group setting. With that bit of information let me tell you what GOD has done through him...

My husband brought honor to his earthly father and to His Heavenly Father as he stood in the pulpit of a catholic church, facing a church filled with family and friends and proclaimed the gospel of Jesus Christ - you see my husband had the honor of leading his earthly father into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ before his father's passing. My husband was able to say, "people say that we lost my Dad. But when you lose something, this means that you don't know where it's at, but I KNOW where my father is, he is in heaven and I will see him again." All I will say is that my husband did not have it easy after his open proclamation of his beliefs.

As life would have it my husband's mother also passed away days after this event. And being compelled by His Savior to proclaim the gospel once again in spite of it all, my husband stood at his mother's service and proclaimed the gospel of Jesus Christ once again. My husband honored his mother, as a mother deserved, yet made it known that even in all her goodness she too needed a Savior. My husband had the awesome privilege of also leading his mother into a personal relationship with, now her Savior Jesus Christ.

So, you see, my temporal perspective was taking the best of me. All along the eternal purposes of All Mighty God were taking place. My God was exalted and my husband was built up...all without me. How frail, how weak, how earthly...no wonder that Scripture keeps ringing in my ears ...to know NOTHING save JESUS CHRIST and Him Crucified.

To ONLY GOD be the glory!

God's Love

2009-02-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

God's love is a fabric that never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the waters of adversity. ---ODB

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...

Love suffers long - I'm at my whits end
is kind - *sigh*
does not behave rudely - *sigh*
is not provoked - provoked and then some
thinks no evil - my mind is inundated with thoughts

There is absolutely nothing good in me, save for Jesus Christ.

God Speaks

2009-02-12T22:00:00.000-08:00

The fog is so thick, yet God speaks, comforts and reassures.

(Excerpts from Our Daily Bread)
Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

The day before his 52nd birthday, Abraham Lincoln left Springfield, Illinois, to become President of the United States. With the threat of civil war looming, he said goodbye to the friends and neighbors who had come to see him off. “I now leave,” he told them, “not knowing when, or whether ever, I may return, with a task before me greater than that which rested upon Washington. Without the assistance of the Divine Being who ever attended him, I cannot succeed. With that assistance I cannot fail. Trusting in Him who can go with me, and remain with you, and be everywhere for good, let us confidently hope that all will yet be well. To His care commending you, as I hope in your prayers you will commend me, I bid you an affectionate farewell.”

Into His hands lay the fears that haunt me,
The dread of future ills that may befall;
Into His hands I lay the doubts that taunt me,
And rest securely, trusting Him for all. --Christiansen

Living without trust in God is like driving in the fog.

…Without the assistance of the DIVINE BEING who ever attended him, I CANNOT SUCCEED. With that assistance I CANNOT FAIL…

…let us CONFIDENTLY HOPE that all will yet be well…

I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39) ---What a truth to cling to when we begin to doubt God’s love...because of the severity of our pain, the enormity of our loss, the incongruity of the situation. The essence of God’s being is love – He never separates Himself from that. ---Kay Arthur

NOTHING can separate us from the love of God…Amen! Hallelujah!

Twila Paris - Warrior is a Child / Do I Trust You

2009-02-12T10:49:00.000-08:00

This Warrior is a Child who has lost both his dearly loved Mother and Father within less than a month...yes, this Child drops his sword and cries for just a while, for deep inside his armor - this Warrior is a Child.

We still trust You, LORD.

Together Once Again

2009-02-11T20:24:00.001-08:00

Mr. and Mrs. Guadalupe Ramirez

Together Once Again

Goodbye Doña Jelo

2009-02-11T20:13:00.000-08:00

Angela Ramirez

1930-2009

This is so incredibly hard to post - Our family, once again, has had to say good-bye to one of our loved ones. Doña Jelo, my husband's mother, has gone home to be with the LORD. With all our sadness we are rejoicing in the fact that she has no more pain and that she has once again been reunited with her husband of 58 years (Don Lupe). We trust that the God of all comfort will hold us in his arms. We ask that you continue to pray for our family.

Congratulations Jose!!!

2009-02-10T09:43:00.001-08:00

Congratulations to my nephew Jose! He was named Employee of the Month at work. Come and read what his wife Laura has to say.

Lulu and I

2009-02-10T09:29:00.000-08:00

Me and Lulu

Come over to Lulu's Blog and read some funny childhood stories. For some reason I don't remember much of my childhood, but THANK you Lulu for reminding me and making me laugh and cringe at the thought of that brick on my head - lol!. (Just in case you wondered, Lulu is my niece. However, she is more like a sister to me...Love Ya Lulu!)