My Hope

My Mom, my Sister, my niece, Moni

Me, my brother, Oscar and my niece, Lulu

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my family. The other day my niece, Lulu, posted this picture on Facebook. In fact, she posted a bunch of pictures of when we were little. It was a nice trip through memory lane.

My heart grieves at the thought of how "SIN" has shattered, and continues to destroy, our family. There is this worship song that we sing at church - it is called, "You Hold Me Now" - that brings me to tears everytime.

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence here to hold
Let these songs of heaven rise to You alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suff'ring You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sickening
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

In this life fin'lly stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

When You're name is lifted high
And forever praises last
For the glory of Your Name
I'll be livin' for the day

When the world has finally cease
All creation rest in peace
Let these songs of heaven rise to You alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suff'ring You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sickening
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

I absolutely love the fact that this is not just a song, but reality. This is what we are promised in Scripture...Praise be to God! This earth will pass away and we will have the new heavens and new earth.

Isaiah 65:17-19 - Look! I am creating new heavens and a new earth - so wonderful that no one will even think about the old ones anymore. Be glad; rejoice forever in My creation!...And the sound of weeping and crying will be heard no more. v.25...In those days, no one will be hurt or destroyed on my holy mountain. I, the LORD, have spoken!

My Brother's, Tony, Grave

Visited my brother’s plot yesterday. For some reason I’ve been really desiring to go to the cemetery. Yesterday, my niece, Lulu, came to spend the day with me and we took that drive to Corona.

As I saw my brother’s stone I was overwhelmed by emotions, by questions, by an extreme desire to sit and cry my heart out.

My brother was 26 years old, he has been gone since 1983. It was all so fresh.

My thoughts – “His stone is so dirty, you can’t even see his picture.” “What happened? Why did I abandon him” (please know that I do not believe that I have abandoned my brother. I know that all that remains in that grave are my brother’s bones. “Did his 26 years with us really mean nothing.” Then as I tried to read the lettering on the stone, I voiced, “Beloved Husband…really, where you really a beloved husband?” With a chuckle I answered by own question.

To see this run down plot really grieved my heart.

What happens when someone dies? I mean, what happens to those that stay behind? Am I saying that if you do not visit your loved ones plot it means that you did not love them, you do not miss them, you do not care for them? No, I’m not saying nor implying that. Each of us will deal with their grief in different ways. However, I am asking myself the question of “why the need to visit this plot?” “why the overwhelming heartache and pain when I saw the signs of abandonment?” It hurt me, it grieved me, it was painful to see.