Visited my brother’s plot yesterday. For some reason I’ve been really desiring to go to the cemetery. Yesterday, my niece, Lulu, came to spend the day with me and we took that drive to Corona.
As I saw my brother’s stone I was overwhelmed by emotions, by questions, by an extreme desire to sit and cry my heart out.
My brother was 26 years old, he has been gone since 1983. It was all so fresh.
My thoughts – “His stone is so dirty, you can’t even see his picture.” “What happened? Why did I abandon him” (please know that I do not believe that I have abandoned my brother. I know that all that remains in that grave are my brother’s bones. “Did his 26 years with us really mean nothing.” Then as I tried to read the lettering on the stone, I voiced, “Beloved Husband…really, where you really a beloved husband?” With a chuckle I answered by own question.
To see this run down plot really grieved my heart.
What happens when someone dies? I mean, what happens to those that stay behind? Am I saying that if you do not visit your loved ones plot it means that you did not love them, you do not miss them, you do not care for them? No, I’m not saying nor implying that. Each of us will deal with their grief in different ways. However, I am asking myself the question of “why the need to visit this plot?” “why the overwhelming heartache and pain when I saw the signs of abandonment?” It hurt me, it grieved me, it was painful to see.
As I saw my brother’s stone I was overwhelmed by emotions, by questions, by an extreme desire to sit and cry my heart out.
My brother was 26 years old, he has been gone since 1983. It was all so fresh.
My thoughts – “His stone is so dirty, you can’t even see his picture.” “What happened? Why did I abandon him” (please know that I do not believe that I have abandoned my brother. I know that all that remains in that grave are my brother’s bones. “Did his 26 years with us really mean nothing.” Then as I tried to read the lettering on the stone, I voiced, “Beloved Husband…really, where you really a beloved husband?” With a chuckle I answered by own question.
To see this run down plot really grieved my heart.
What happens when someone dies? I mean, what happens to those that stay behind? Am I saying that if you do not visit your loved ones plot it means that you did not love them, you do not miss them, you do not care for them? No, I’m not saying nor implying that. Each of us will deal with their grief in different ways. However, I am asking myself the question of “why the need to visit this plot?” “why the overwhelming heartache and pain when I saw the signs of abandonment?” It hurt me, it grieved me, it was painful to see.
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