Glory in Him: Mom's One Year Anniversary

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Mom's One Year Anniversary

One year ago my Mom went home to be with the LORD. What an incredible year this has been. Who would have thought there would be so many emotions, regrets, an intense hurt, and such loneliness.

Memories, memories, memories...

I remember thinking,

~ "no one should ever see their loved one carried out in a body bag."
(Mom's passed away at home and the coroner had to transport her body to the funeral home)

~ "no one should ever have to receive their loved ones body in a crate."
(Mom's desire was to be buried in Mexico next to my Dad. This was insane. I, fully convinced and knowing that that was just a shell of who Mom was, had such a difficult time seeing this crate being brought down and dismantled...I can't even imagine what the rest of the family felt...God have mercy!)

~ thinking of her frail body gasping for air

~ thinking of the incredible deterioration that happens as one embarks on their last journey

~ have her eyes etched on my mind and heart as she looked at me for one last time

~ still tremble at the feeling of having to come home from the funeral home and finding her room empty...all the equipment had already been picked up by the rental companies - no longer needed, but, O GOD, what a sinking feeling...sat in the middle of the room and lost myself in time.

~ bath days, doctor appointments, unused wheelchair...

YOUR EMPTY CHAIR!!!!

Today I had the intense desire to go to her grave, but it was not possible. So I went to my brother's grave and took some poinsettias...how empty, how lonely...

You know, I wonder...I wonder how people who don't have the hope that I have cope with death. I know where Mom is. I am fully convinced that one day I will see her again. I know that God is in control and works all things for the good...YET THE PAIN!

Enough of my ramblings...

Clinging to the hope that does not disappoint...JESUS!!!

1 comment:

Vicki said...: Oh, Leti, I just read this about your dear precious mother, and could feel the emotions behind the words. Her parting this earth has not been that very long ago, so I'm sure you miss her and still think of her a lot. I wonder, like you wonder, how folks cope with any of this without knowing the Lord. So thankful - very thankful - for this hope we have in Him. Thanks for sharing your heart in this post....touches me...; March 7, 2011 at 1:45 PM

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Poems

From http://www.devotions.com/ (author unknown)
It’s sometimes very difficult for us to understand the wisdom and the love behind the things that God has planned.

But we wouldn’t have the rainbow if we didn’t have the rain; We wouldn’t know the pleasure if we never tasted pain.

We wouldn’t love the sunrise if we hadn’t felt the night; And we wouldn’t know our weakness if we hadn’t sensed God’s might.

We couldn’t have the springtime or the yellow daffodil if we hadn’t experienced the winter’s frosty chill.

And though the brilliant sunshine is something God has made. He knew too much could parch our souls so He created shade.

So God’s given us a balance: enough joys to keep us glad, enough tears to keep us humble, enough good to balance bad.

And if you’ll trust in Him you’ll see though yesterday brought sorrow, the clouds will part and dawn will bring a happier tomorrow.

E-mailed by a Friend (author unknown)
"THE MOST BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW"
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.