Thinking of My Family

I’ve been thinking so much about my family (Mom, Dad, siblings, nieces, nephews). I wonder what happened to us. I have memories of us being together all the time. Anything that happened was a reason to celebrate. I remember our home was always full.

Now as an adult I look around and all I see is destruction. Reminds of John 10:10 - The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy:…

Alcoholism, drug addiction, broken homes, broken lives or literally shattered lives, etc., etc.

The other day I asked the LORD why He had chosen me. How was it that by His incredible grace and mercy He plucked me out of the mire and set my foot upon the solid rock which is Jesus Christ. I received no answer, I was only prompted to continue to intercede for my family. God is still able to bring salvation to their souls…until they take their last breath, here on earth, there is still hope. I don’t lose hope, but I must admit my heart hurts at the thought of their lives being lived in such destructive ways.

Today the LORD gave me a wonderful gift. My sister-in-law, who lives in Mexico, posted this picture of two of my brothers. I hadn’t seen them since Mom’s funeral. O, to see their faces, what joy! But o, the heartache of seeing their eyes…the pain of a life lived in the mire. O, God, reach down from heaven and call them by name. Pluck them out of the mire and set their feet upon the solid rock, which is Jesus Christ. Thank you, LORD, for this gift. Thank you, LORD, that You are here with me and You are there with them.

How many more lives will be destroyed? How many more souls will be saved? Those are questions I do not have an answer to, nor will I ever. However, I cling to God’s Word that says, that He is not willing that any should perish, but that all will come to repentance. I will continue to pray and plead for the souls of my family until, Jesus, calls me home to be with Him.

Grieving/Remembering Mom

It has been over nine months since Mom’s home-going. Today “grief” has hit me like a ton of bricks…again.

I have not had the courage to write, even though at times I have felt prompted to. There is this fear in me of being vulnerable, letting my guard down, actually letting you in on my feelings. There is also that dreaded “voice’ that condemns me and whispers in my ears and at times screams in my face, “Now, you care”…”Now, you want to…” “Now, you miss her”…on and on it goes.

It is time to write…

Today I’ve felt this need to go to Mom’s grave and take her flowers, this is not the first time. It is funny that before I thought taking flowers to a grave was a waste of time, however, today I wish I would have that place where I know Mom’s body was placed, a place I can go to and take her flowers. You know what, Mom loved roses. She always had them growing around her home. I have a flower bed with roses that she loved to go outside and sit by them (when she was able to go outside). When it became difficult for her to go outside, she would stand by the sliding door and stare at them…she loved roses. I remember her last day here on earth, it was already December so there wasn’t much left of the rose bushes, however I looked out my kitchen window and saw the most beautiful red rose. God spoke to my heart and led me to go cut this rose and take it to Mom. This day she wasn’t able to walk to the kitchen, so I brought it to her and put it on her little table…she simply smiled and said, “It is beautiful.” She looked so tired and weak.

I’m remembering that weak, frail smile. I’m remembering that shuffle down the hall. I’m remembering…and through the remembering there is that accusing voice, saying, “I should have” “would have” “why didn’t I” – it is all part of my story, one that has taught me so much and continues to teach me.

Good days, bad days…good days, horrendous days…it is all part of grieving. My, what an incredibly tangled web this grieving process is.

I miss my Mom, yet I find great comfort KNOWING that we are only temporarily separated by this enemy called “death”. I find great comfort KNOWING that one day we will be together again, and this time all the “ugliness of the flesh” will be done away with. We will be in heaven with our Savior and each other with no pain, no sorrow, no regrets, no should haves, would haves…only eternity, heavenly eternity.

Praise be to God who alone brings the victory!!!

Congratulation to Our Son!

Congratulation to our son, Jaime!!!

Today he is gratuating from National Guard/Military Police. We are so proud of him.

The ceremony is in Missouri, so I'm saddened to say that I can't be there for him and with him. However, God provided for my husband to be there with and for his son. That was a total answer to prayer...we had been praying becuase we just did not want him to celebrate this milestone by himself, and God so knew the desires of our heart.

He is coming home on Saturday - I can't wait to see him!

It has been interesting around here. I will write in more detail later, but for now I wanted to share a devotion I read today. The minute I read the title, well...I will let you read it yourself. God so knew I needed this today:

"GO AHEAD AND CRY"
When you hurt the worst—go to your secret closet and weep out all yourdespair!

Jesus wept. Peter wept—bitterly! Peter carried with him the hurt of denying the very Son of God. Those bitter tears worked in him a sweet miracle. He came back to shake the kingdom of Satan.

Jesus never looks away from a crying heart. He said, "A broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise" (Psalm 51:17). Not once will the Lord say,"Get hold of yourself! Stand up and take your medicine! Grit your teeth and dry your tears." No! Jesus stores every tear in his eternal container.

Do you hurt? Badly? Then go ahead and cry! And keep on crying, until the tears stop flowing. But let those tears originate only from hurt—and not from unbelief or self-pity.

Life goes on. You would be surprised how much you can bear with God helping you. Happiness is not living without pain or hurt. True happiness is learning how to live one day at a time, in spite of all the sorrow and pain. It isl earning how to rejoice in the Lord, no matter what has happened in the past.

You may feel rejected. You may feel abandoned. Your faith may be weak. You may think you are down for the count. Sorrow, tears, pain, and emptiness may swallow you up at times, but God is still on his throne. He is still God!

You can't help yourself. You can't stop the pain and hurt. But our blessed Lord will come to you, and he will place his loving hand under you and lift you up to sit again in heavenly places. He will deliver you from the fear of dying. Hewill reveal his endless love for you.

Look up! Encourage yourself in the Lord. When the fog surrounds you and you can't see any way out of your dilemma—lie back in the arms of Jesus and simply trust him. He wants your faith—your confidence. He wants you to cry aloud—"Jesus loves me! He is with me! He will not fail me! He is working it all out right now! I will not be cast down! I will not be defeated! I will not be a victim of Satan! God is on my side! I love him—and he loves me!"

The bottom line is faith. And faith rests on this one absolute: "No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper…" (Isaiah 54:17). (From David Wilkerson)

Happy 24th Birthday, Angie!

Angie, today

Angie at 6 months

24 years ago God blessed us with this beautiful little girl.

How awesome God is! He has done, and continues to do, above and beyond all that we have asked and prayed. Yes, her life is nott "normal"...it is extraordinary, because her God is an extraordinary God.

Thank you LORD for this beautiful blessing!

Happy Birthday, Angie! Love you tons!!!

The Prodigal

I read the following:

"...I was touched by the deep need of the prodigal..."

My immediate response was -

"WHAT?!

The prodigals deep need?! What about the heartache and pain it brings the parent(s)? What about the parent(s) shattered dreams, expectation, plans? What about the parent(s) shame, pain, agony?

What about the parent?!"

I don't think I've ever thought about this side of the story.

What is the prodigal thinking? Is the prodigal really having such a great time out "in the world"? When all the lights, all the glitter, all the "noise" dies down, what is left in the prodigal's mind?

Luke 15:17 says, "but when he [the prodigal] came to himself, he said..."

This shows a turning point. A point that the prodigal "comes to himself". Before this turning point, it was all "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow I die" or was it?

Father give me Your heart, give me Your eyes to see - beyond my pain, my heartbreak - that soul who is so lost, so needy. Father, You came to save and deliver. Father there is nothing impossible for You. Father, You will perfect all that concerns me, for I trust in You. Bring that lost soul to the point of realizing he/she is lost and in need of a Saviour. We trust in You. We believe in You. In Jesus Name - Amen!

HE Conquered the grave - Hallelujah!

Today we celebrate the fact that Jesus conquered the grave. JESUS has risen from the dead - Hallelujah!

Thinking that December 4th, 2009 (4 months ago) Mother's very sick and frail body took its last weak, shallow breath here on this temporal earth. However, she opened her eyes with no frailty whatsoever, no difficulty breathing and able to RUN to her Savior, Jesus Christ.

O, what a Saviour!

O, what hope!

Because HE lives we can continue on with a hope that does not disappoint.

Hallelujah! What a Saviour!

One Pure and Holy Passion (song)

Another song that just resounds in my heart and soul:

"One Pure and Holy Passion"
By Christ Tomlin

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me on magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your dicsiple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after you
To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in the truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you

Lord to know and follow hard after you
And to grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you
Lead me on and I will run after you

Spring Blossoms

I see all these beautiful evidences of "LIFE". What seemed dead is coming alive again.

This time of year reminds me of this song:

"You Are So Faithful"
Like the sun that rises everyday,

You are so faithful.

Lord, You are faithful

Like the rain that You send

And every breath that I breathe

You are so faithful, Lord

Like the rose that comes alive every spring,

You are so faithful.

Lord, You are faithful.

Like the life that You give,

to every beat of my heart,

You are so faithful, Lord.

I see the cross and the price You had to pay,

I see the blood that washed my sins away.

In the midst of the storm

through the wind and the waves,

You'll still be faithful,

You'll still be faithful,

When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more,

You'll still be faithful,

You'll still be faithful, Lord.

From Streams in the Desert:

...You can force a rosebud open, but you spoil the flower.
"Not what I will, but what you will" (Mark 14:36). Stephen Merritt


"His Way"
God sent me on when I would stay
('twas cool within the wood);
I did not know the reason why.
I heard a boulder crashing by
'Cross the path where I had stood.


He had me stay when I would go;
"Your will be done," I said.
They found one day at early dawn,
Across the way I would have gone,
A serpent with a mangled head.


I ask no more the reason why,
Although I may not see
The path ahead, His way I go;
for though I know not, He does know,
And He will choose safe paths for me.
---From Sunday School Times