Sorely Misunderstood

Chronic illnesses - wow! Please entertain me as I take a walk through memory lane...back in 2002 I ended up in a fetal position not being able to move or talk or nothing. My good friend, Susie, drove me to the Doctor where both he and she looked at me with great concern and amazement. He (my doctor) I must say was God sent as was my faithful companion-friend. He put me through tests and specialists from A through Z. The conclusion..."Fibromyalgia", fibe-what??? I had never heard of this term nor its implications. Because God has made me the way I am, I read and educated myself in this "new", at least to me, term/disease. I won't bore you with the rest of the details, we could be here forever. Let's us come back to the here and now. This past week I haven't been feeling too spiffy, but then again what's new. I'm going about my week getting progressively worse. I do all the things I am used to doing to calm or soothe my ailments, but I am still getting worse. By Thursday, I can't hardly swallow, my chest feels like I have an elephant on top of it and my breathing is getting really difficult. In addition to all this I am getting progressively weaker. But the trooper that I am...I keep going with ALL my duties. By this time my hubby is "TELLING" me to get in to see the doctor. I had/have already made my mind the no-more-doctor-appointments-for-me. In fact, not to long ago I told one of my friends that I would not be going in to see the doctor unless I passed-out and had to be taken by an ambulance. Well, yesterday, was such a day, minus the ambulance. My hubby drove me to the doctor (which I already had an appointment, do to the encouraging of loved ones around me). I was sweating, my tongue was going numb and rolling, my face was tingly as if falling asleep, my left arm was limp and I was slowly going under. We are at the doctors...ekg, proving, checking, etc. The nurse-practitioner was absolutely belittling. I was made to feel like a hypochondriac - cause of course "NOTHING", DID I SAY NOTHING...showed up on the tests. Gave me some antacids (which I have been taking at home already) sent me to get bloodwork and x-ray of my chest (which I know will show NOTHING) and home I go to my daughter go is mad cause she is bored to death and Mom is playing sick (sorry I deviated there for a while). But you know what this triggered in my mind? I remembered my sister. My sister has already passed away, but I remember when she was alive, she never really felt good. I used to think, "are you sick again?" "now what is wrong?" (yeah, same attitudes I get now). In fact, the "regular" doctors sent her to a psychiatrist/psychologist cause "they" couldn't figure her out. The psychiatrist/psychologist put her on anti-depressants cause they couldn't figure out. In fact, they would tell her that she needed to get a job to get her mind busy. If anyone, was a hard worker, it was my sister. Maybe not on a "official" job site, but she worked a whole lot at home. She took care of all of us...and that my friend was a full-time joy with lots of overtime. She worked 24/7. I'm saddened at the fact that my sister did not have what the Lord has allowed me, in His grace and mercy, to have. I have this intimate-personal-relationship with My Jesus, who comforts me and reassures me that "it is not all in my head", "I am not crazy", "I am not making it up". O God, that my sister would have had this. Yet I know that He was and is the same yesterday, today and forever. He was and is from the beginning. And He was there for my sis. He is not a mean God, but a God of mercy and grace. He is and was gentle and loving. When I don't understand, I will trust in YOU. When nothing makes sense, I will trust in YOU. He will make ALL things beautiful in His time. O the depths of the riches, both of the power and wisdom of God, how unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out. For who has known the mind of the Lord, and who has become His counselor? Who has first given to Him, it shall be repaid to him.

May You o God gives us understanding, gives us compassion, give us sensibility. I don't need to understand...more of YOU and less of me. YOU will increase, I will decrease. In my weakness, YOU are strong.